<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Last Time by mytearsricochet</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28221039">The Last Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mytearsricochet/pseuds/mytearsricochet'>mytearsricochet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Best Friends to Lovers, F/M, Gina Porter Needs A Hug, Happy Ending, a lot of descriptions and metaphors so if u dont like that kinda stuff lol, bunch of fluff, gina has commitment issues, give gina happiness or its on sight, he is also bi idc, honestly they keep missing each other but theyre soulmates so its a given, i would d word for gina porter, inspired by a bunch of stuff but mostly love rosie, ricky has anxiety, rina after college, rina college au, rina through the years, slowburn, theyre idiots and theyre in love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:02:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28221039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mytearsricochet/pseuds/mytearsricochet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>this is the one where gina meets ricky and nothing is against them. except for a few misunderstandings, forgotten birthdays, wrong people, and missed opportunities. because as much as love doesn’t care about time, this is the one where time cares about love. and with time, everything falls into place.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ricky Bowen &amp; Gina Porter, Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Last Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey rina fandom (clown nation? which name do you prefer?). this started out as a small one-shot but here we are lol! it's my first time writing ricky/gina so I'm sorry if it's... eh. lol. but i loved writing them so much i literally couldn't stop lmfao. i hope you like this, happy holidays! idfk if i did the characterization right or whatever but i hope it's readable &lt;3 </p><p>inspired by... SO MUCH. look out for some song references because i used some of my favorites that i associate with rina hehe. but I've also read a lot of rina fics lately and seen so many rina edits so credits for the headcanons and everything goes to the awesome fandom! enjoy &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p><em> All things will fall into place eventually </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Gina Porter knew, because many days in all the ways, she lived by those words. <em> Eventually </em> , though, was a complicated thing. But it was hopeful and not set in stone yet secured somewhere and perhaps that was why Gina liked it. She dared to hope for an <em> eventually </em> with someone. It was all that was allowed anyway. When you were Gina Porter, time wasn’t on your side. </p><p> </p><p>So of course that was the case for East High. No more time with Ash. No more time with EJ, Carlos, Red, and Kourtney. No more time with Nini and the entire theatre club, no more Miss Jenn. No time with Ricky.</p><p> </p><p>Forever didn’t exist in Gina’s vocabulary, but she at least wished she could stay here in Salt Lake City until the end of the year. Just this once. She allowed herself one time. She’s never done that before. She let herself pretend that ‘until the end of the year’ could maybe change into ‘forever’ if she just wanted it hard enough. Because there was, no doubt in it, something different about this place than all the other places she’s lived in before. She wasn’t lonely anymore.</p><p> </p><p>It took a long time (yes, it seemed that Gina’s whole life revolved around one simple word), but Gina knew everything had changed for her and the way she looked at certain things once she met Ricky Bowen. She didn’t think she’d end up like this, hopelessly falling for someone despite knowing well enough everything was against them in every way. After all, if the timing was wrong, nothing could save whatever they had. </p><p> </p><p>But God, physics and  stars above, Ricky was just.... right. He was all things in Gina’s perfect little world where <em> all things fall into place eventually </em>. The only difference was… He’d just never fall into place.</p><p> </p><p>Still-- forevermore maybe-- Gina would wonder. Gina <em> was </em> wondering. Was this really it? Were right people destined to be wronged by <em> time </em> every single time? </p><p> </p><p>Because after his confused “What?” and her awkward “It’s time to get your head in the game,” there was a small moment, almost completely lightspeed, where Gina felt like this was the end of time. A small moment where time didn’t exist and she was just Gina, standing there with someone for whom she had been willing to defy her own physics and create an infinity of moments. And of course, <em> of course </em> that person was Ricky.</p><p> </p><p>Watching him leave, knowing she’d never see him again, Gina realized this was the one time she couldn’t live by those words she let herself believe anymore. Things wouldn’t just fall into place, ever. But it had been nice thinking that maybe Ricky was her ‘eventually’. Maybe she wanted him to be. So much, that <em> eventually </em>, he would be her ‘forever’.</p><p> </p><p>But no… Not when you were Gina Porter. Time didn’t care. Gina was foolish to think love had any way of changing that. Ricky didn’t even feel the same way. </p><p> </p><p>Even though <em> they got each other </em> . Even though some things remained unspoken. Ricky didn’t feel the same way but Gina would always have the unspoken things. Unspoken things were permanent and <em> theirs </em>. And permanency never let time win. But time always had its ways when it came to Gina Porter...</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Everything happened so fast. Gina was allowed to stay at Salt Lake and live with Ashlyn until the end of the year and despite that being the best thing that’s ever happened to her, Gina reminded herself incessantly that she was<em> Gina Porter </em> . She got lucky this time… And mistakes couldn’t happen to her anymore. Mistakes like East High. More importantly, mistakes like Ricky Bowen. She couldn’t do that to him or to herself. Open up, let him care and then leave. Distance would work its magic <em> eventually </em>…</p><p> </p><p>“Happy New Year!” Gina said once she finally saw him. Ashlyn decided to host the party and Gina hasn’t seen Ricky since the night she was supposed to leave.</p><p> </p><p>“Happy New Year, Gi!” Ricky smiled at her brightly and once he hugged her, Gina could feel something overwhelm her like waves. She would lose this. She would lose him. This was their first and their last new year. This was the last kiss that got away.</p><p> </p><p>He was gone within another moment and she saw him with Nini for the rest of the night, happy and all, like nothing happened. Moreover, like nothing happened between <em> them </em>. Between Gina Porter, the girl of timeless change and Ricky Bowen, the boy who would always be her permanent mistake she’d never forgive herself for. But it didn’t matter. </p><p> </p><p>Good, he and Nini were back together. And Gina would lie if she didn’t say she was relieved. She ignored her heart that was telling her it ached. Screaming ‘You were a rebond, a second choice.’. Because there was no place for choices in Gina’s mind. Choices didn’t exist. She didn’t care which choice she was to someone. As long as she wasn’t the first. </p><p> </p><p>And she convinced herself no one could be first for her either. So Ricky and Nini getting back together was exactly what was supposed to happen for Gina to return to the reality of the world and the laws of time. And finally fix all the rules Ricky Bowen has broken and the ones he made <em> her </em> break.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t go back to hopelessly hoping things would work out and that time might be merciful just because a curly-haired boy with a guitar made her question her rule of ‘eventually’ and dare to dream of ‘forever’. Not when she almost lost him for good and it crushed her completely. She wondered how much worse would it have been if she had fallen in love with him and thus, broken <em> all </em>her rules.</p><p> </p><p>But. Gina learned her lesson and decided to distance herself for that not to happen again. It was for her own good. A part of her was doing it for Ricky too. She knew if they got closer, she would effortlessly tell him everything and he would tell her everything back and they would share something so fragile like trust and then when she had to go at the end of the year, it would hurt more than anything else ever could. But not as much as time. Not as much as trying to live with not seeing Ricky every day and being able to hug him or brush her hand against his or listen, fully and intently, and let those unspoken things linger there timelessly like atoms in space, pretending nothing matters except this moment because it doesn’t. But time was cruel and merciless and limited and she was Gina Porter and she didn’t get to have it. Not even with Ricky. Not even an ‘eventually’.</p><p> </p><p>(Yet he was the first person she told about staying here until the end of the year and after their conversation, she truly promised herself that was the last time.)</p><p> </p><p>So when news spread that Ricky and Nini broke up during the Christmas break, Gina tried to support Ricky as much as she could without doing the most. And it broke her heart and it was unfair and she couldn’t believe how ruthless she could be, but she was Ricky’s friend for only another six months. And even if they remained friends after that, she knew they’d lose touch and it would happen because of her. Because how could she ever let herself love so easily if she never <em> stayed </em>in one place?  It didn’t work. </p><p> </p><p>Ricky was more broken than he’d let everyone see when it was time to go back to school in January and yet Gina knew exactly what was going through his head. The skate park was a safe place as always. Gina counted the minutes each time she was there with him to help him get through this. So many ramblings of “I miss her,” and “I wish it was different,” and “I’m so sorry I’m annoying you, Gina,” and “I’m such a screw-up,” and “I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina reassured him it was fine and that she would always be there for him and that he could never annoy her and that things would fall into place eventually. And they did.</p><p> </p><p>As spring drew close, Ricky seemed happier and they were spending more time together and… Gina could feel herself falling deeper. Because Ricky didn’t care about physics and Gina’s rules. He kept falling into place despite the time running out. Being the Belle understudy in their spring musical with Ricky, who was the Beast understudy, for her partner didn’t make it easier. Gina was forgetting to remind herself of who she was and why she needed this to stop so one Friday evening did that for her.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay Ricky, stop pulling the blanket, I’m freezing!” Gina said.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay!” Ricky laughed, giving her more of the blanket. “You are so bossy, Ginarina.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing bossy about wanting to stay warm. Where are your other blankets, Bowen?” Gina teased.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky stared at her for a second. He rolled his eyes. “Somewhere… This was the warmest one. It’s also the fluffiest.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina smiled to herself. “Weird movie choice, no blankets… What’s next? I’m never having a movie night at your house again.” </p><p> </p><p>“What, you would rather watch Youtube videos? How lame is that?” Rickly grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Youtube isn’t lame! I swear this is the last time.” Gina pouted.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep on dreaming, Porter. You’ll be back next week. Can’t resist this face.” Ricky fluttered his eyelashes. “But I’m generous. You can have my teddy bear. As a blanket replacement.”</p><p> </p><p>He gave her his famous stuffed teddy bear and she rolled her eyes but took it and placed it in her lap. “When will you tell me his name?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh. Eventually,” Ricky nervously chuckled, looking away. “He got me through my meltdowns last year and just through so many other things you know…”</p><p> </p><p>Gina nodded. “I get it.” She, <em> very unintentionally, </em>stared at him longer than she was allowed… She would give all her hugs to Ricky Bowen.</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t washed him so my drool’s still there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ew, Ricky!”</p><p> </p><p>Gina playfully pushed him and he grinned. She turned her face to the screen, not letting go of the teddy bear. They were watching The Dark Knight because Ricky was so obsessed with Heath Ledger it was a problem (but Gina thought it was kind of cute) and that was probably the least romantic movie ever but Gina has seen and read enough romance to know that hand holding… hand <em> touching </em> was not what friends so casually did during a movie like The Dark Knight. </p><p> </p><p>And well, Ricky put his hand onto hers.</p><p> </p><p>It was that feeling again. The feeling of the end of time. The same feeling like the one she had when she thought she was seeing him for the last time. The feeling that this was what <em> forever </em>felt like. The start of something infinite. </p><p> </p><p>Gina’s never been this scared before. Her path was so clear. Her amends with time and her rules and her composure and her entire past… Why did all of that fade away when she was with Ricky? </p><p> </p><p>Before that night, Ricky had touched her hand countless times. They hugged every day. It was all so normal that Gina never felt like it could mean anything more than friendship. She forced herself to think that it could never mean anything more. And she seemed to forget it shouldn’t be so normal, it shouldn’t seem so right. </p><p> </p><p>After that night, Gina could only think about all the times she let Ricky Bowen take her heart just for him to be taken away from her for good. Because she was leaving in a matter of months and who knew when they’d see each other again. No. <em> If </em>they would see each other again.</p><p> </p><p>The time came before she knew it. Gina Porter lost the battle to Time again. And this was the hardest one yet. She’s lost the war. Her friends here… the happiness she’s felt… Everything would be gone once she got on that plane. She would never feel this way again. The only place that made her feel like she was invincible against time was Salt Lake City. And the one person who crossed all the lines in her physics….</p><p> </p><p>That day, Ricky showed up at her door, messy hair and all, just him in his Richard Bowen unique ‘style’ as she’d once put it and… a skateboard.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky!” Gina let out. She wasn’t expecting anyone and the deal was that everyone would be there at 2 pm to say goodbye. Ashlyn and EJ were helping her make the cookies.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Gi.” Ricky scratched the back of his neck, avoiding her eyes. Something he only did when he was upset.</p><p> </p><p>Gina wanted to reach out and take his hand but she couldn’t risk something like that. Not today, not this time, not here. “Uh, I’m not leaving yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know. But… Um.” Ricky sighed. “Listen.. if you have fifteen minutes to spare, wanna go to the skatepark one last time?”</p><p> </p><p>“Time’s never really been my forte, Bowen,” Gina attempted a smile, even though that was heartbreakingly the most honest sentence she’d ever said to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Lucky you got me, then.” Ricky said effortlessly and smiled back, his eyes glistening in the sunlight, a little red around the corners.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah. Really lucky.<em> Always got time for </em> <b> <em> you </em> </b> <em> Ricky </em>… Gina’s heart hurt. Had he been crying? She told Ashlyn and EJ she’d be back as quickly as possible and took in their knowing smiles and even EJ’s horrible jokes… All of it would be gone soon enough. </p><p> </p><p>At the skatepark, Gina took her sacred spot at the stairs while Ricky skated close to her just so she was able to hear what he was saying. It was something so normal to them that the sole routine of it made it unexceptional because well, it was just theirs.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t really want you to go.” Ricky still avoided her eyes… </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to go either. But that was the deal.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know and I-- This is so stupid. I mean hey, it’s New York! I should be so happy for you but I’m just so… I’m so selfish. I just want you to stay here.”</p><p> </p><p>And then, as unspokenly as ever, Gina saw the next words in his eyes when he looked at her. <em> Stay here </em> <b> <em>with me</em> </b>.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky let out a tear and wiped it.</p><p> </p><p>Gina stood up instantaneously. “Ricky…”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. Sorry. Shit. I became way more emotional than I was last year. And I’m so annoying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome to drama club.” Gina fought her own tears. Ricky Bowen and his stupid <em> style </em>. “You’re not annoying Ricky.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just. Thank you, Gi. You helped me so much last year. I feel like I never thanked you for that. My parents divorcing and everything with Nini and I-- It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through and you made it better and listened and I--” Ricky paced back and forth, abandoning his skateboard. “And this year too. How will I survive without you? God, you’ll forget me the minute you arrive in Manhattan. It’s Manhattan!”</p><p> </p><p>“I have no doubt you will survive... And I will <em> never </em> forget you.” Gina could feel her tears falling down. <em> Of course </em>it was Ricky who made her cry first today. He would be the one to make her cry last too. “Very few make Gina Porter cry after she’s just put on eyeliner. So against the rules.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh well, you know me. I was born to be a rulebreaker.” Ricky laughed bitterly, new tears forming.</p><p> </p><p><em> Then don’t let me leave, </em> Gina kept repeating in her head. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to yell at Time. She wanted to curse the ‘eventually’. Eventually didn’t exist when it meant getting over Ricky Bowen. She didn’t think she would ever get over him. Ricky Bowen and his skateboard and his obsession with Heath Ledger and his lack of blankets and his curly hair and his ability to play guitar so well. And the fact that he fell so perfectly into place. At the wrong time.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! I got you something.” Ricky said on their way out, taking off his backpack from his shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>Gina stopped walking. It felt like her heart stopped too.</p><p> </p><p>“Well it's not exactly a gift I mean, I had it since forever and it helped <em> me </em> and well, it's kinda for you to not forget about me--” Ricky kept on rambling while unzipping his backpack, seemingly getting the section wrong every time and pouting in annoyance. </p><p> </p><p>He got out a light brown medium-sized teddy bear and Gina knew instantly it was the one he had on his bed but he never wanted to open up about it or tell her his name because he wanted to be "mysterious". And Gina knew it was something personal too. </p><p> </p><p>“He's yours now.” Ricky handed it to her.</p><p> </p><p>Gina was speechless. Her lips parted and she just stared at the teddy bear, looking like an idiot. Not many had the ability to make Gina Porter speechless. “Ricky I… I can't take this. It's--”</p><p> </p><p>“Yours. It's yours, Gi. And if you don't take it, I swear to God I will return the hat you knitted for me.” Ricky shook the bear and nodded, staring at her wide eyed, the corners of his lips turning up.</p><p> </p><p>“Well negotiated.” Gina rolled her eyes. “Wait a second. You need to tell me his name first.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky smiled shyly. “Was saving this for now… His name's Patrick.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina couldn't help but laugh. “Why Partick? Like from Sponge Bob?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, um. It's a character Heath Ledger played.” Ricky grinned.</p><p> </p><p>Of course. Gina took Patrick and brushed her thumb over the soft material, already seeing herself cuddled up with it as she was missing Rickly desperately… Her words from months ago replaying in her head… If there was even a point in calling, a point in staying in touch. A point in doing this to herself and to Ricky… It would be so much easier if they stopped talking. But Gina didn’t know if she could just forget Ricky Bowen. </p><p> </p><p>Then she hugged him tightly, so incredibly grateful he was right here beside her. It wasn't like any other hug. She hugged him for all the parties they never attended together, for all the movies they missed in the cinema, for all the blankets they'd never share, for every single song she'd never hear him play and just… for the time they lost. </p><p> </p><p>Gina pulled away slowly, but her eyes stayed on Ricky's face, his warm eyes shining, staring into hers. For a second -- and Gina <em> must have </em> imagined it-- she thought she saw him glancing at her lips but it was so subtle, she would have missed it if she blinked. Her fingers traced his cheek unexpectedly and Ricky closed his eyes, that when he opened them again, it felt like he was burning her. It was dangerous if she didn't look away immediately if she stopped standing <em> so close </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Richard Bowen and all those unspoken things… Forever gone, roaming through the never-ending universe, but coming back to Gina's mind to haunt her. She could see it so clearly and she didn't even leave yet.</p><p> </p><p>“Don't blink. You'll miss me.” Gina stepped away just barely, smiling, but tears wouldn't stop flowing.</p><p> </p><p>“I'll miss you one way or another, Gi.”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I <em> am </em>Gina Porter.” Gina shrugged, looking up and laughed, wiping her tears. </p><p> </p><p>And he was Ricky Bowen. And Gina didn't know if time would ever let her stop missing him.</p><p> </p><p>“We will stay friends, right Ginarina?” Ricky asked, on the way to Ashlyn’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” Gina answered, wanting to believe it more than anything.</p><p> </p><p>“And we’ll see each other again.” Ricky put an arm over her shoulders. “Eventually.” He chuckled, not knowing the weight of that little word.</p><p> </p><p>“Eventually.” But it was good enough for her. It had to be.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The familiarity of texting with Ricky every day was alarming and Gina wished she wasn’t hanging on so tightly but as hard as she tried to give him up, she just couldn’t let Ricky Bowen become another temporary thing in her life. So she kept in touch. She kept in touch throughout all his hardships of senior year, picking out a college and worrying about getting in. She kept in touch through his graduation and she decided her biggest regret would be not going there to surprise him and all their friends. </p><p> </p><p>Ricky was New York. Everywhere she went, she could see him. In every single crowd, there was a small hope in her soul his face would somehow magically be there. She hasn’t seen his face in ages. It made her wonder if it would always be like that. It made her wonder if she and Ricky even got an ‘always’? Their fragile phone line would break, time-zones would take him away, late night calls and texts wouldn’t be enough anymore and time would decide Ricky and Gina were not worth it soon. Because Gina could never rely on time. She knew that <em> eventually </em> , things wouldn’t fall into place for her and Ricky anymore. They were going to be strangers and their unspoken things would get lost in the endless space and Gina would never know permanency in her life because that was what happened to her. Her whole life, <em> that </em> was her fate. Why would it be different with Ricky Bowen? </p><p> </p><p>On one October night, after not hearing his voice in <em> weeks </em> and their texts to each other consisting of only how are yous and okays, Gina was woken up by her phone ringing. Well, not exactly woken up. She couldn’t sleep anyway. The loneliness was suffocating. She was a second away from watching Youtube videos… again.</p><p> </p><p>Seeing Ricky’s name on her screen, Gina quietly gasped. She answered, of course, but she couldn’t stop her heart from racing. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Gi.” Ricky whispered. Oh no.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky…” Gina’s voice cracked. She looked at the time. 1:47 am.  “It’s so late. Everything okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, um..” Ricky was silent for a second. Gina just knew… She knew immediately it wasn’t okay, even before she picked up the phone.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed. “Okay, no. Lying. Fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Gina sat up straight and turned on her lamp.</p><p> </p><p>It took Ricky some time to speak again. Gina gave him all the time in the world. She always did… “College is really hard. I’m so overwhelmed with everything so now I’m having a breakdown and annoying you...”</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky, you’re never annoying me.” she assured him. “Talk to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay well I’m so behind in everything! I don’t know where to start and I’m just so burnt out, Gina. I can’t get anything done. Zero work,” Ricky let out a sob, “This is stupid. I’m sorry, I just… needed to talk to.. someone.”</p><p> </p><p><em> Needed to talk to </em> <b> <em>you</em> </b> <em> .  </em></p><p> </p><p>Gina took a deep breath. It was a little shaky. She was a bit dazed she realized she had another … unique thing with Ricky that she didn’t have with anyone else. Even after two years. Using permanent would make it fragile so she settled on unique. But this… this <em> comfort </em> they’ve been giving to each other over the years… It still wasn’t changing? Was Time stepping down? Letting <em> Gina Porter </em> have something?</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t apologize. I’m here for you.” Gina said and forced her voice to sound steady. “And I know you can do it. Just go slow, okay? You have time. Make a list of your classes and <em>work through it</em>. It’s only been a few months since you started and you can still catch up this weekend. It’s doable. If you want, call me and we’ll do it together, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky cleared his throat and murmured a “Yeah” but Gina knew he was still doubting it.</p><p> </p><p>“All things will fall into place, Ricky. You just have to believe in yourself. You’ve come so far so don’t start doubting yourself now.” Gina added. So completely true. So casually said, she didn’t have to think it over at all--</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Gi. I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina blinked and didn’t seem to hear herself replying the same thing, wasting no <em> time </em>.  “I love you too, Ricky.”</p><p> </p><p>What just happened. </p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight.” Ricky said, his tone less sad than when he called.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight.” Gina said it back but she was still stuck on the ‘I love you’. Ricky Bowen loved her. At 1:58 am. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, Gina!” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“Can you stay on the line? I think it would help me fall asleep… Eventually.” Ricky sniffled, letting out a nervous chuckle. Ricky Bowen loved her.</p><p> </p><p>“Eventually could mean a lot of things, Bowen.” Gina joked. He had no idea.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be gone in 10 minutes if you sing me something.” </p><p> </p><p>“No way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on Ginarina. Your angelic voice is my remedy, no kidding.” He sounded more relaxed. </p><p> </p><p>“Not gonna sing at this hour. Not in a million years.” Gina teased.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, how about… Eventually?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina let out a small laugh. “Eventually works.” </p><p> </p><p>Ricky Bowen loved her. And she loved him too. And it wasn’t in the same way. But Gina was fine with that. Even if she was still falling without a safety net. The falling seemed to never stop... Ricky didn’t and never would feel the same. But even if in some miraculous way he did, she knew it wouldn’t last. She always knew Ricky would be her almost, from the second she met him. Gina knew he would mark her like a stain and never leave. And then even if they did get that chance, even if Time let them... she’d leave. She knew she’d leave. How could she ever stay if she didn’t even know what it meant?  </p><p> </p><p>She was Gina Porter and time wasn’t in her favor. But Richard Bowen seemed to persistently stay on her list, no matter how cruel Time was. And Gina decided to finally accept that. Because hey… there was still that small ‘eventually’ to hope for.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Gina's mom told her she could apply anywhere she wanted. Her mom was staying in New York for good. And it has crossed Gina's mind too many times to count, but she has thought about going back to Utah... </p><p> </p><p>It was so complicated. Utah was where Gina felt the least lonely and the happiest. But New York was where her mom was and the home of prestigious universities and Gina's dream ever since she was little had been a career in dance. That was one of the only permanent things in her life…</p><p> </p><p>So Gina applied to all the colleges in New York that had a dance program. It was hard to get in even with her perfect grades she's worked for. She has been practicing her auditions for weeks and her mom told her several times how she was pushing herself too hard. But Gina knew she wasn't pushing herself hard enough. And as a cherry on top, Time was running out. Like always.</p><p> </p><p>If she didn't get into at least one of them, she didn't know what she was going to do. This was the most stressed she's ever been. Her dream, her one permanent thing… she had to get in.</p><p> </p><p>As she came home from the dance studio nearby, Gina almost collapsed on the floor. But she managed to throw herself on her bed and bury her head into Patrick The Bear. She wasn't special. How would she get into any school she wanted? <em> There was always Utah… </em> Yes, but… What if that wasn't enough? If she wanted to fulfill her dreams, she had to make sacrifices. If she couldn't get in this year, she had to try out next year. And next year… What if she couldn't get in then either? What if-- Oh God. </p><p> </p><p>Gina's breaths were getting louder and her vision was blurry as she sat on her bed. Tears stained her cheeks in less than a second. Gina took Patrick and held him tight. She couldn't stop crying. Or thinking about how she would mess up her entire future just because she wasn't working hard enough and because it was so hard to make a decision. Where was her usual self-control now? Why was she crying like this-- like some little girl...</p><p> </p><p>She didn't realize she dialed Ricky's number until she heard his cheerful voice on the other line. Ricky, the boy who loved her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Gi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey… Ri..Ricky.” Gina hiccuped and tried to stop sobbing so hard.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky’s voice was overcome with worry. “Gina? Are you okay? What's wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm scared. I don't… I applied to …” Gina tried but she couldn’t get it out. Her breathing was uneven and she couldn’t focus.</p><p> </p><p>“Gina, hey it's okay,” Ricky said calmly.</p><p> </p><p>“No, Ricky you don't… I.. I had this perfect plan and now things are so overwhelming I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't have a plan and it's…” Gina cried. </p><p> </p><p>“Gina. Breathe. Breathe with me okay?” </p><p> </p><p>Gina nodded forgetting he couldn’t see her, but she followed his lead, inhaling and exhaling until finally being able to relax. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” she mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>“It's fine, you don't have to apologize. You wanna tell me what this was about?” Ricky still sounded worried.</p><p> </p><p>Gina took another deep breath and the words came out so easily. But it was Ricky. Everything was just so easy with him. “I'm scared I'll make the wrong decision about college. And I'm scared I won't be able to get in at all. My plan is failing.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky was quiet for a moment. His tone changed from concerned to soothing when he spoke. “Gina, I understand. But not everything can be planned. You have to trust your gut sometimes. I mean, I’ve been doing that my entire life.”</p><p> </p><p>“And look how you turned out.” Gina managed to joke and was proud. No effect worked as quickly as Richard Bowen’s charm… Or whatever.</p><p> </p><p>“Haha, Porter, so funny.” Ricky retorted. He cleared his throat. “But seriously. Gina, you're the smartest, most talented person I know. You can get in anywhere. I know if I were a college, I'd be literally begging for you to study me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Study <em> you </em>?” Gina chuckled, feeling so warm due to what he said about her...</p><p> </p><p>“I meant-- Shit, Gi you get my point.” Ricky laughed. </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Ricky.”</p><p> </p><p>“You'll make the right decision. You <em> always </em> do, Gina. Don’t start doubting yourself now.” He said softly and silence followed. </p><p> </p><p>Gina listened to him breathe and swore this was the most peaceful she’s felt in a long time. <em> I believe in you </em>, the space between the lines said. Ricky and his unspoken things she’d pick up on no matter what...</p><p> </p><p>“Patrick's been very supportive although I drowned him,” she spoke and looked at Patrick The Bear, who was now stained in her tears, sitting in her lap.</p><p> </p><p>“He's used to it. Always comes back to life.” Ricky remarked. </p><p> </p><p>Gina lay on her back, exhausted but never for Ricky. She felt like she could talk to him for hours. “How are you, Ricky? Everything okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah everything has been great…” he trailed off. Gina noticed he was holding back.</p><p> </p><p>“Just great?”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky clicked his tongue and let out a nervous breath. “Okay. I have a… boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Boyfriend!” Gina exclaimed and was up on her feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I mean I still like girls! But I also like boys.” </p><p> </p><p>Gina smirked. “Yeah, EJ and I guessed.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> EXCUSE ME </em>? EJ?!” Ricky raised his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever! Tell me <em> everything </em>, Bowen!”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, well. We met at a coffee shop.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s like in the movies.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up.” Ricky snickered. He sounded so happy. “And shit, he is so pretty. I was gone instantly.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina found herself grinning widely. “Of course. You always were chaotic.”</p><p> </p><p>“Learned from the best. When you threw that drink in EJ’s face at Homecoming, you changed my life.”</p><p> </p><p><em> And you changed mine… </em>“You’re so dramatic, Richard.”</p><p> </p><p>“What can I say, Porter, I’m a theatre kid.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina stayed on the phone with him for another few hours. He talked to her about his classes, updated her on his new song ideas and she reluctantly accepted his FaceTime request. When she argued her face still looked horrible from crying, Ricky said he thought she looked beautiful no matter what. He still had the glow in his eyes and his hair was as curly as ever and Gina didn’t remember the last time she messed it up. Or the last time she touched his hand. She didn’t remember the last time she hugged him.</p><p> </p><p>As he talked about his boyfriend, Gina was immensely happy for him yet she knew she wasn’t feeling the most. She couldn’t understand why she wasn’t even<em> happier </em> for him. But then again, deep in her damaged little heart, she knew the exact reason. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>A text from Ash. Gina couldn’t believe her eyes. She still remained in contact with her SLC friends, but texting hasn’t been that frequent. Except with Ricky… He was the one reaching out the most and he always reached out first. Ricky Bowen, the boy who loved her.</p><p> </p><p>Gina read the message and smiled. Ash was congratulating her on getting into Julliard, saying she’d never had a doubt Gina would make it and apologizing she sent this so late but she was so incredibly busy. Gina beamed and answered, making sure to send the most wholesome emojis.</p><p> </p><p>It’s only been three months since she started Julliard and everything was somehow going unexceptionally well. Gina got accepted. Not everywhere. But Julliard! She was going to Julliard! It was just everything she’d ever dreamed of. And she’d worked her ass off for it. And the dance program was indescribable. </p><p> </p><p>It should be known that Gina Porter didn’t get intrigued. By anyone, really. Not when she moved schools her entire life. She’s seen it all so nothing could spark up her interest anymore. Nothing intrigued her enough to want to stay or <em> hope </em> she would get to stay. Until Salt Lake, East High, and until… Ricky. But as long ago as that was, after what she experienced there, she knew she had to go back to her shell. Junior and senior year in New York didn’t mean she’d stay here so she didn’t bother making close friends. Her last years in high school were mostly filled with lonely nights and boring mornings because she didn’t have anyone whom she was willing to trust as they would part ways so soon. It just wasn’t worth it. Gina’s been through enough of it to know. She wasn’t intrigued.</p><p> </p><p>And then Julliard happened.  She would see the same people for four years! So Gina decided to <em> make </em> herself be intrigued. Four years with these people… That was… a path towards permanency. </p><p> </p><p>First, Gina started talking to a girl named Allison. Allison was a timid soul, but she owned hip hop. Gina got close to a guy named Marty few weeks after she befriended Allison. The three of them began hanging out more often and Gina was just so happy she finally got new friends. She just didn’t think she’d find something more.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re doing the move wrong,” Marty said one night as the two of them stayed in the studio later than usual because of an important performance.</p><p> </p><p>Gina raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”</p><p> </p><p>Marty stood up, smiling, and approached her, a teasing look in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t ask you to show me how to do it, did I?” Gina smirked. </p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I just wanna dance with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina was caught off guard but she didn’t let him know. Marty and his flirting… He took one step forward, closer to her. Gina realized she didn’t move away even when his hands found her hips, even when she put her hands around his neck, and she didn’t move away even once they started swaying to the music, <em> not in sync, </em>which would have bothered her any other day but then Marty removed a strand of hair that was falling out of place from her face and looked her intently in the eyes.</p><p> </p><p>The last time she was this close to someone… And once their faces were mere inches apart… Gina’s phone rang, making her jump away from him. </p><p> </p><p>She stared at him for an awkward moment before rushing to take her phone out of her bag. A FaceTime request… from .. Ricky Bowen, the boy who loved her.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Gi.” Ricky froze, <em> not literally. </em>His eyes narrowed staring at something behind her. “Uh is it a bad time?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina turned around and looked at Marty, who was standing behind her. She looked back at Ricky. “Not at all! Um what’s up?” </p><p> </p><p>Her nervousness slipped. Gina knew Ricky noticed…</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll call another time.” Ricky squinted but smiled… It seemed like a sad smile. </p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s okay, I was just—”</p><p> </p><p>“See you Ginarina.” Ricky waved and hung up. Gina’s lips parted, staring blankly at Ricky’s contact name.</p><p> </p><p>“Well anyway. Where were we?” Marty spoke.</p><p> </p><p>Gina put her phone down and gave him a smug smile, ignoring how much her heart ached to talk to Ricky…</p><p> </p><p>But Marty kissed her in the dance studio that night. And then drove her home. And walked her to her door. Kissed her again. </p><p> </p><p>So she let him. She let him become all the things and then she let him fall into place.</p><p> </p><p>And it was good. (It was scary.) It was fun. (She stared at her text announcing it to Ricky for two hours.) And those first months at Julliard were some of the happiest times in her life. And she forgot she was Gina Porter. Gina Porter, whose hand Time didn’t hold gently. Time poisoned Gina Porter slowly.</p><p> </p><p>The night Gina broke up with Marty, she didn’t feel a thing. She’s never been this numb in her life and she couldn't pinpoint why. Several weeks have not felt normal. She wasn’t used to this… this routine. She wasn’t used to a stable relationship with someone. She didn’t ‘do’ dates. And after a few months, Gina couldn’t take it. It was getting exhausting because it happened so fast and <em> all at once </em> . God knows she hated herself for it. Marty was kind, he was funny, and he was good. And yet Gina had such a hard time committing to this … this <em> thing </em> they had going on. This thing that didn’t let her breathe anymore. And Gina didn’t know why.</p><p> </p><p>“You got bored,” Marty told her when she said she couldn’t do it anymore and then he left. And Gina didn’t yell after him, or stop him from leaving. She didn’t correct him or argue. <em> All things will fall into place eventually </em>. But Marty didn’t seem to be all things… And when he fell out of place, Gina wondered if she ever even let him in or was it all an illusion. Because Time would never let Gina Porter win.</p><p> </p><p>Allison comforted her, remaining her closest friend she’s had. Yet Gina didn’t want comfort. She wasn’t sad… And then she fucked up. She really fucked up. Her light seemed to be going out and soon, she would be swallowed by cosmic darkness and forever lost somewhere in time.</p><p> </p><p>Gina missed Ricky’s 21st birthday. She usually called every time and he did the same for her birthdays, but … Something was different this time. Gina has changed. She noticed a pattern of losing friends, distrusting people, and simply sinking into herself, isolating herself from everyone more frequently. Couldn’t form another commitment or maintain a new friendship.  Didn’t even remember the last time she cried. Didn’t know what was wrong with ber. Things just weren’t… falling into place. Not even with Julliard. Or dancing. And Gina stopped hoping for ‘eventually’. </p><p> </p><p>But<em> of course </em>, she still missed him.</p><p> </p><p>Once, days and days ago, Gina sacrificed her happiness for Ricky. And once, days and days ago, Ricky fixed all the scars Gina’s been carrying with her for years only for her to open them again when she left. She let him go that night. Let him be with Nini, who was able to give him everything Gina couldn’t. And now, she was doing it again. She would do it over and over again if it meant he was happy if it meant he had a safe place in someone. And that someone would never be Gina Porter. Not even eventually. </p><p> </p><p>So when Ricky called her, 3 am on a Monday (Gina knew his timezone by heart), she wondered if he somehow knew she was drowning in her loneliness again because if there was one other permanent thing in her life other than Ricky Bowen, it was the haunting dread of being alone.</p><p> </p><p>“You forgot my birthday.” Ricky’s voice didn’t sound like his. It sounded like broken glass.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky…” Gina took a deep breath, sitting on her bed in complete darkness. She couldn’t help but think she didn’t need this darkness around her when she had enough of her own to deal with.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean we don’t call like we used to so I get it. I guess I was just…” Ricky exhaled. His silence said everything: <em> I was just confused. And I </em> <b> <em>don’t</em> </b> <em> get you anymore </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky’s next words cut through her like thorns. “I was waiting. The whole day. Were you busy? I mean, it’s been a few days now so it’s-- I’m so annoying, I just-- I was worried too. I called. But if you honestly forgot-- ”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t forget, Ricky.” But her own words drew the knife in deeper.</p><p> </p><p>A long pause. Then, a hopeless, “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I missed it on purpose.” Gina heard herself saying.</p><p> </p><p>“Why? Did I do something… I don’t get it.” Ricky mumbled. There it was. Gina was terrified he would ever say those words to her like this.</p><p> </p><p>“Not at all… You didn’t do anything… It's just. I just thought…”  Gina wished the darkness would swallow her whole. She had no excuse. She wished the darkness would save her; would not let her hear Ricky’s broken voice again, saying he didn’t <em> get it </em>. Because understanding was Ricky and Gina’s thing. Gina didn’t think there would come a time where neither of them had it.</p><p> </p><p>“If you don’t want to talk anymore, should’ve at least warned me.” Ricky sniffed. Gina felt something since a long time.</p><p> </p><p><em>That’s not what this is about</em>. <em>I promise it’s not… </em>But Gina didn't even know what it was about anymore…"Ricky… I… Do you… Do you really see a point, I mean... Maybe it's best if we...” </p><p> </p><p>“Don't call?"</p><p> </p><p>Gina was quiet. It was the most violent silence she's experienced. And with Ricky, there was a time where silence used to calm her. Gina forced herself to speak out her emotions. But with Ricky, it was never really forced anyway… "Ricky, I don't think we'll ever see each other again… Do you really think--" </p><p> </p><p>"I won't call then,” Ricky whispered and hung up before Gina could get another word out. Gina held the phone still, staring blankly in front of her. She blinked and felt the warmth of her tears on her face. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, Time was urging her to let him go. And Gina didn’t know if she had it in her to fight another battle with Time once again. It’s been three years since she’s seen Ricky and she didn’t know how they were still holding on to this fragile ‘eventually’. How they prevailed this <em> long </em> ... how Time let them. And still, <em> unchanged </em>since the day she met him, Ricky was the most permanent thing in her life.</p><p> </p><p>Because she’s been living in New York for a few years now-- longer than she’d ever lived anywhere -- but New York was in a state of perpetual change. There was no permanence in New York. She used to see Ricky wherever she went when she arrived. But now she realized that she, Gina Porter, was New York City. Gina, the girl of infinite change who could never stay at one place. And Ricky Bowen was just… another face in a crowd of thousands. Ricky Bowen, a stranger whom she knew like the back of her hand. Ricky Bowen… Forever her ‘eventually’. Never her ‘forever’. </p><p> </p><p>Girls who timelessly wandered through eternal halls of temporality didn’t get permanent things like forever. Even with stops, there was always a point where they would have to keep on wandering. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>This time, Gina just couldn't control it. She didn't know how, but it just happened. She forgot she was Gina Porter, the girl who kept running away from time so it didn't run away from her. She forgot and she just… she called. Because everything got too much and now <em> this </em>happened and she was so tired and she had a fight with Allison and somehow things just kept falling apart--</p><p> </p><p>"Gina?"</p><p> </p><p>Gina felt something deep in her heart. And it wasn't fear. But her words made their own rules. "Ricky! Thank God, I-- I lost my scarf and then my car broke down and it's super late and I'm here in some alley I've never been in and I--"</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Gi it's okay, just breathe."</p><p> </p><p>Gina paced next to her car. "I'm so composed usually but it's been such a stressful week and I just…"</p><p> </p><p>"It's okay, Gina." Ricky's voice was calm. It calmed her down as well. Or was it just the fact she heard it after such a long time?</p><p> </p><p>"I'm… it's good that this is still your number." Gina nervously chuckled despite herself.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I guess…" Ricky's guard was up and Gina knew why. </p><p> </p><p>She took a deep breath, searching for the right words, remembering the time when she didn't have to do that because with Ricky Bowen, talking used to be effortless. </p><p> </p><p>"Ricky, I know this is… Sudden. And we didn't speak for… And I know what you must be thinking, alright. I could've called anyone--"</p><p> </p><p>"So why'd you call <em> me </em>?" Ricky's tone was veiled in sharpness and even though she knew it was coming, it still cut her.</p><p> </p><p>"Because I-- I don't know, Bowen! You always pick up and you know what to say and you're <em> right </em> and I-- I thought of you first." Gina rushed out unexpectedly. She repeated, quieter this time. "I thought of you <em> first </em>…" </p><p> </p><p>And it was true. It might have been the truest thing Gina's ever said and done.</p><p> </p><p>"Really? First?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah.." Ricky Bowen, the first name on her list. Somehow, <em> still </em>.</p><p> </p><p>"I understand I have that effect on people but what would Terri say?"</p><p> </p><p>Gina laughed and it was the most honest laugh she's had in a long time.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky laughed too and then they were quiet for a moment and Gina remembered how much the silence shared with Ricky Bowen actually meant to her. It wasn't like with anyone else. It told her everything she needed to know and she didn't <em> need </em> to say anything back. And she knew. She just knew <em> this </em> silence meant she got to have her best friend back. Ricky Bowen, the boy who might love her again someday. </p><p> </p><p>Gina never imagined she and Ricky would end up like this. She always thought he'd be another blank page in her life because whatever taste of friendship they had while she was in East High was so short-lived, so small and pointless, it was not worth writing about. And yet now she was several pages in. </p><p> </p><p>Gina realized the thing standing in the way of her friendship with Ricky wasn't even just the Time she was so scared of losing. It was … her. </p><p> </p><p>And she wouldn't anymore. She couldn't. She'd fight time if she had to, but she wouldn't give up on Ricky Bowen and all his unspoken things. And somehow, realizing that, all was good within her again.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The invitation was neatly folded on her desk and Gina decided she would open it when she finished her work for the day. It wasn’t exactly where she imagined herself working, but to come to the top, you had to start somewhere and an assistant of an elite dance company manager seemed to be Gina’s somewhere.</p><p> </p><p>Gina hasn’t heard from Ricky in weeks. The last she’s heard from him was that he was working for a record label in Nashville and the last time she’s seen him was at his college graduation. His dad was with her on FaceTime throughout the whole thing. Ricky was so happy to see her and he introduced her to his boyfriend and she caught up with his dad. </p><p> </p><p>She also got calls from all her old friends from Salt Lake City and has seen Ash, EJ, Carlos, Big Red and even Miss Jenn and they had a rather fun time catching up in a group call. Nini, unfortunately, couldn’t make it but that was understandable considering she was on her rise to fame. Kourtney was in Milan and Ricky was moving to Nashville at the time so they couldn’t join the call either. Everyone was just at different places and different life stages and Gina’s heart was full because they were even in touch after all these years. She <em> never </em> thought she’d have something like that. </p><p> </p><p>That was the last time Gina’s seen their faces and she saw Ricky’s face shortly after, when he called her up to show her his place in Nashville. After that, it was back to texting and … rare calls. </p><p> </p><p>Now, two years later, Gina got the invitation. Carlos was getting married. In Salt Lake City. To his high school sweetheart Seb. </p><p> </p><p>Gina still didn’t get accustomed to New York City and never would so whenever she got the chance to leave, she gladly took it. If it was to go back to Salt Lake City, even better. After all, that would always be where her heart lay. And where time followed no rules. Where Gina felt the safest. And her whole life she’s felt immensely lonely, except when she was back in Salt Lake City. She hasn’t been there in years but the feeling stuck with her. Permanency? </p><p> </p><p>Arriving there, Gina could cry. Everyone was already there, waiting for her at the airport. Gina was soon encapsulated by Ash, Red, Nini, Carlos and Seb in a group hug. And well… Ricky. He was there too. Gina’s heart was racing from all the excitement and nervousness. After all these years...</p><p> </p><p>She cried so much, being able to hug her friends again, see their faces right here in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“The star dancer, God Gina you will teach everyone to dance so my wedding isn't embarrassing!” Carlos exclaimed, holding her tightly. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course. I’m here to save the day.” Gina winked.</p><p> </p><p>Nini laughed. She took Gina’s hands. “Gina, you look so beautiful!”  </p><p> </p><p>“You too, Neens. Haven’t changed a bit.” They hugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Gina!” Ricky cheered. His eyes seemed to be teary.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky!” Gina smiled widely and she was lifted by him and then spun around, burying her face into his neck. He put her down, his hands remaining on her waist, and him smiling down at her. He let go, but his touch stayed. Burned even.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you.” He gave her a warm smile and let out a small nervous chuckle. His eyes glassy, but still shining like they always have.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you too.” Gina, completely unintentionally, messed up his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Haven’t seen your face in… ages.” Ricky’s eyebrows scrunched. His eyes still had that captivating glow.</p><p> </p><p>Gina didn’t know how to respond to that and she felt like if she lingered on it, she would break her composure… Ricky Bowen… The boy who once told her he loved her. Did he, still? </p><p> </p><p>“We’re still waiting for Kourt and EJ! They were in Paris together.” Seb smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re so disgusting.” Ash smiled and gave Gina another hug.</p><p> </p><p>Gina beamed so broadly her lips began hurting. She couldn’t stop smiling. Even though she was probably the only one who was single right now… She found her spot next to Ricky and once EJ and Kourtney were in sight, all of them started singing ‘We’re All In This Together’. And they were. Gina couldn’t find words to express how happy she was that they were all together again.</p><p> </p><p>The wedding was only two days away and needless to say, the one freaking out the most was… EJ. Gina was beyond happy she still got her room at the Caswell's and it was hilarious witnessing EJ’s meltdowns together with Ash and Kourtney. It was like a movie. First freaking out about what to wear, then about not looking the best, then about his friends getting married and they were also the first of his friends to do so (Gina realized that this was the case for her as well.) It was crazy to think they were all teenagers doing a musical all those years ago and now they were in their mid-twenties, living their lives separately but still as close as ever.</p><p> </p><p>During the two days, everyone was together at all times, having fun and making jokes, and catching up. It was the least lonely Gina’s ever felt in her life. It was the first time where she completely forgot about time. Except… Those two times with Ricky Bowen, long long time ago. And Gina then realized how screwed she was again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad we’re all still friends after so long,” Ricky said the night before the wedding, while all of them were gathered in Carlos’ living room, nostalgia roaming all around them.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah well. Some things you just never outgrow.” Nini shared a look with Ricky.</p><p> </p><p>Gina had to agree even though that was something only Nini and Ricky seemed to understand. But she agreed with the other part too. That she still genuinely loved these people, that she was still friends with them… It was her biggest source of hope. Hope that Gina Porter might someday outsmart time and find her happiness. Find her forever.</p><p> </p><p>Much later in the night, Gina’s famous muffins were almost done and while everyone laughed, having the best time on Carlos’ tiny couch and living room floor, Ricky found her in the kitchen, preparing her muffins for them to eat. They were all so impatient but so was Gina as this was the very first time she did it without Youtube instructions. You’d think she knew it by heart after all these years, but there was still something … <em> homelike </em>about watching her favorite Youtube tutorials.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Gi.” </p><p> </p><p>“Bowen.” Gina smiled as she got her muffins out of the oven. She tried not to drop anything… Ricky Bowen, her most relentless mistake. </p><p> </p><p>“I haven't had the chance to really see you…” Ricky smiled. Gina's heart rate picked up at those words. “How are you? I’m sorry for not texting. Things have been crazy these past couple of months... I know we call and text once in a while but…” <em> It will never be the same, </em>his eyes said.</p><p> </p><p>“Just getting by. When I got the invitation I was beyond happy. Finally, an excuse for all of us to see each other.” <em> Especially for me to see </em> <b> <em>you</em> </b> <em> again </em>, she wanted to add… </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. It’s nice to see your face again, Porter.” He grinned wholeheartedly and Gina found herself back in high school when everything was simpler.</p><p> </p><p>“Wish I could say the same for you, Richard.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky laughed and Gina was so, so, so screwed. Ricky Bowen and all his unspoken things. She was so doomed <em> again </em>. She felt like the teenager she used to be. Like the Gina Porter who arrived in Salt Lake City for the first time, the one who shielded herself away and yielded to Time and settled for ‘eventually’. And then lost both with Ricky Bowen. </p><p> </p><p>And now she was here all over again. And so was he. Standing right in front of her. That same boy with curly hair and a guitar, his Richard Bowen charm--<em> style </em> --- and his skateboard. And she was Gina Porter, the same girl whose loneliness was timeless and who didn’t know a thing about permanency. Until this. Until Salt Lake, East High and until Ricky Bowen. Ricky Bowen, who once told her he’d loved her at 2 am in his first semester of college and her fear of Time and what it would bring. If it would let her be with him without worrying about who would be the first to leave. Without worrying if they were the first on each other’s lists because she would know they were. And that would be enough to make her stay and give in to the permanency thing she so strongly craved, but never really had.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, since Carlos and Seb are getting married, I must say I found someone...” Ricky took one muffin.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Gina tried not to wince but failed. Of course. For months now, Gina and Ricky’s phone line broke. She hasn’t heard from him. He hasn't heard from her. Why should this be surprising?</p><p> </p><p>“Her name’s Angelina. She’s just been so supportive and we clicked, you know.” Ricky smiled to himself shyly.</p><p> </p><p>“I get it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Unfortunately this was so last minute and she couldn’t make it. But I’m happy. And I couldn't wait to tell you. I'm glad I did it in person too although I had nothing to worry about. It's always been easy with you.” Ricky stared at her for a moment before looking away.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s so good to hear Ricky. I'm happy for you.” Gina gave him her best smile. </p><p> </p><p>It <em> was </em>so good. As long as he was happy. That was what she wanted for him. And what she couldn’t give him. Because Gina Porter and Time didn’t work together. And because Gina Porter and permanency were lifelong enemies.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The wedding was beautiful. It was straight out of a fairytale. The kind that Gina had dreamed about. The kind she’d probably never get. Or well, maybe eventually. Ricky kept saying how beautiful she looked and she kept quieting her heart. Ricky Bowen, the boy who once (maybe still) loved her, but could never be hers. Not even eventually.</p><p> </p><p>Gina was sitting at the same table as Ricky -- of course -- and she spent her night making fun of EJ with Ash so far but as the first slow song of the night started playing (after the first dance), all of them were gone. Ash with Red, Kourtney, and EJ, Nini talking to Miss Jenn (who was also here, to everyone’s delight). And Gina sat alone with Ricky at that table. </p><p> </p><p>“Wanna dance, Ginarina?” he asked early in the night as another love song started playing. </p><p> </p><p>Gina smiled. “Like a dance-off? Because you’re gonna lose, Bowen.”</p><p> </p><p>“Gina, I’m pretty sure no one dares to challenge <em> you </em> to a dance-off, we all know you’re the best…” Ricky looked away before sharing a long look with her again. “I meant, <em> slow dance </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bold.” Gina gave him a playful smile.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Ricky scrunched his eyebrows and the corners of his lips curved.</p><p> </p><p>“How you think slow dancing doesn’t equal a challenge as well.” Gina tilted her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Porter. Slow dance with me to see who can do it better. I’ll play by your rules on this.” He approached and offered his hand. Gina couldn’t remember the last time she held it. But she took it and let him lead her to the dance floor.</p><p> </p><p>So Gina danced. This time to the loveliest love song. This time with Ricky Bowen and all his unspoken things weighing on her like unforgettable impossibilities; things that could never be yet still were because they belonged to Gina and Ricky, although unspoken. </p><p> </p><p>There was a small moment where Gina didn’t hear the song or the people or anything. She just wanted to focus on Ricky’s eyes because a feeling overcame her that she could maybe forget what they looked like just like how she forgot how his hand felt like in hers.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m winning,” Ricky whispered. </p><p> </p><p>Gina was pulled back to reality. “In your wildest dreams, Richard.” It felt like she crashed right into Ricky...</p><p> </p><p>“I’m stealing her.” Nini suddenly stood beside them and looked at Ricky expectedly. </p><p> </p><p>Ricky pouted but gave Nini a side hug nonetheless and smiled at her. He looked back at Gina as he was walking away and Gina couldn’t get her eyes to stop staring at him even once he started laughing with EJ.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Gina. A global superstar in front of you.” Nini joked and Gina was pulled out of her weird little trance that should never happen again.</p><p> </p><p>“Will always be the girl who stole the Gabriella role from me though.” Gina met her eyes. “And just my Nini.”</p><p> </p><p>Nini’s expression softened. “Aww, Gina… Wanna go out on a date?” </p><p> </p><p>“Okay slow down Gabriella.” Gina let out a small laugh. “But sure.”</p><p> </p><p>Nini accidentally stepped on Gina’s feet and started apologizing but Gina didn’t mind. She would let no one other than Nini step on her feet ever. Nini didn’t stop smiling. “What’s this thing between you and Ricky?”</p><p> </p><p>“What thing…?” Gina shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>“You know. The one you’ve had since forever.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no <em> thing </em>, Nini.” Gina looked away.</p><p> </p><p>“Eventually, it will happen.” Nini smiled knowingly.</p><p> </p><p>Gina stared at her, lingering on that word… But not believing it. And choosing to give absolutely no reason for Nini to suspect otherwise. “I have some really embarrassing photos of you, Neens, and frankly, I’m tired of keeping them to myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Nini’s mouth dropped and she stopped swaying. “You wouldn’t!”</p><p> </p><p>Just then the song ended and Gina blew her a kiss, to which Nini simply smiled, giving her one back. The two of them walked off the dance floor hand in hand and Gina decided it was her favorite moment with Nini yet.</p><p> </p><p>Their conversation was something else entirely. And Gina kept thinking back on it for most of the night. Eventually… Never. So why did she still feel like she was in a fight with something… someone… Herself. </p><p> </p><p>The leaving part was harder than Gina would like to admit. She wanted to be with these people forever. She wanted to stay. And yet again, she was the first one to leave...</p><p> </p><p>Seb, Carlos, Red, Kourtney, Nini, EJ, Ashlyn and Ricky all came to the airport with her and Gina was transported back to the end of sophomore year. Gina hugged one by one as tight as she could and didn’t remember the last time she felt her heart aching so.</p><p> </p><p>“This is always the hardest part.” Ricky approached last.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Gina couldn’t find it in her to be able to look at him. </p><p> </p><p>“I never know what to say. Even though it happened... “ Ricky paused. “Twice. Or something.” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t say anything.” Because Gina knew were he to say something, she would just… so easily choose him over reality and just stay here. And she couldn’t. They couldn’t. And the less that he said, the more she knew he felt the same way.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky abruptly wrapped his arms around her. Gina was taken aback but she returned the hug just as tightly, closing her eyes. So desperate, whatever she and Ricky had... Holding on to pieces basically. And yet… She felt like home. How could she ever let go? </p><p> </p><p>Gina was seconds away from crumbling completely. How many more times would she have to see Ricky only to say another goodbye? It seemed like that was their greeting in a way… They only ever saw each other, hugged each other, touched each other’s hand… to have to let go again. </p><p> </p><p>“Bye Gi,” Ricky muttered as he let go.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye,” Gina said brokenly and waved at them one last time, not knowing when she would see them again. Who knew… Maybe it was even <em> the </em>last time she did.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Gina decided to finally move out. It was awfully terrifying. The only reason she set it back so long was because of her mom and because of New York and because it was not easy to find a good apartment here but Gina would settle for anything if it meant it was hers. Just hers. And when she gathered all the courage to tell her mom about it… Well. Her mom didn’t take it the way Gina hoped.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s New York! You’re not safe all alone, Gina! What’s wrong with this apartment?” her mom argued once Gina sat her down and told her she’s started looking for a place.</p><p> </p><p>Deep down, Gina knew this would happen. She knew how her mom was -- how overprotective she would get. Her mom was the most important person in Gina’s life. The one person who has been through every single thing Gina went through, supporting her in every way. They were so close despite everything. Despite her mom being the reason why Gina was the way she was. Why she never experienced permanency…</p><p> </p><p>But still, Gina adored her mom inexplicably. Terri Porter, a real-life wonder woman and Gina’s biggest supporter in everything she did. But not when it came to leaving.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom, I can’t live with you forever! I’m in my twenties! I have a stable job, I’ve saved enough money and I just want to try this thing called being on my own...” Gina said, as if she hasn’t been doing that thing her entire life.</p><p> </p><p>Terri stopped pacing and then watched her, about a million emotions crossing her face in a blink of an eye. “But you’re my ballerina.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina’s heart broke. She’s never felt that before, but the way her mom said what she said just sent her over the edge. Terri always called Gina her ballerina because Gina has loved to dance since she learned to walk. But Gina knew what she had to say next, as much as it hurt her. </p><p> </p><p>“Ballerinas grow up too, mom.” Gina stepped forward and pulled her mom into her embrace.</p><p> </p><p>Terri assured her she would help in every way possible and then got excited and Gina was so happy because she got excited too and then she and her mom spent the night watching their favorite show (embarrassingly, <em> Gilmore Girls </em> ) and eating fresh baked cookies they made together and Gina has never felt closer to her mom. And they <em> were </em>pretty close. </p><p> </p><p>That night trying to fall asleep, Gina found herself crying. She was really going to move out and leave her mom alone. Although mom was spending quite a lot of time with one of her friends, Peyton. Gina would tease her about it but Terri just ignored it and switched the topic. But still. Gina already missed her mom and she hasn’t even found anything yet; hasn’t even moved out yet. She needed to work through this… talk to someone.</p><p> </p><p>Gina stared at her message to Ricky. Should she send it? Let him in once again? As if he wasn’t already a piece of her… She pressed send and risked having to lose him to something <em> again </em>.</p><p> </p><p>In her mind, Gina’s lost him endless times. No matter if by distance or a heated fight, timing or breakdown or the simple thing such as touch and keeping it… Gina knew the day would come. Time would erase him and destroy them and whatever this was. This friendship, hanging on a single thread... Cruel goodbyes, different cities, unspoken things. Gina and Ricky, forever and always but not quite. Not even eventually.</p><p> </p><p>And now she was chasing shadows in New York again even though she rationally knew Ricky wasn’t here. He’d never be here. Gina watched his life only in pictures. Last month he moved in with Angie, last week they got a dog. He seemed happy and Gina never wanted anything more for him. He deserved to be happy.  She could feel him forgetting her although he still called once in a while. </p><p> </p><p>But the phone line was becoming more and more fragile, and Gina thought it would break any moment. Their conversations were not as warm as they used to be, instead, they were small talk, just work, and the weather and Gina could feel Ricky’s guard was up for a reason she didn’t understand. But she guessed that was just what happened to friendships eventually. Even with Ricky.</p><p> </p><p>Then he called one day. And it was different than the other times. Gina could feel it in her bones before she even answered the call.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Gi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bowen.” Gina smiled and peeked at her boss’ office to make sure she didn’t get caught. But then she remembered her boss was in a meeting. One day, eventually, Gina would be her own boss.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing. Working as always.” Gina took a deep breath and voiced something out loud, that she hasn’t told anyone yet. “I’ve been looking for some agencies to get signed...”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Gi, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you.” Ricky cheerfully said.</p><p> </p><p>The only reason Gina didn’t do it before was because she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life anymore after she finished college. She always knew she wanted to be a professional dancer but it was always a decision between performing and instructing. And then <em> eventually </em> owning a dance company (that was still the goal). She needed to get some experience first and because she’s already had some taste of fame on her Instagram and performing in musicals, she turned to assisting a manager of a prestigious dance company (she was lucky she even got <em> anything </em>, it was American Ballet Theatre, after all, come on!). Her assistant job was going well but Gina decided it was time to make a name out of herself. If she ever wanted to reach higher, she needed to get all the opportunities she could find.</p><p> </p><p>Gina smiled, grateful that Ricky hyped her up, but she still bit her lip. “It’s scary. I don’t get scared.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky snorted. “Okay, so why do I have a video of you screaming because you saw a rat?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina rolled her eyes. “Nice try Bowen. I know you don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll send it to you! I swear I didn’t make that night up. It happened.” Ricky cracked a laugh. Gina called him an idiot.</p><p> </p><p>It was quiet for a moment and Gina knew whatever he would say next was something serious. Ricky-Bowen-silence was always a meaningful thing. “Look, I know it’s scary but. Someone once told me that all things will fall into place. You just have to believe in yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina didn’t understand how someone miles away could be her clarity like this. So tragical, just the way Time likes it… </p><p> </p><p>It was like her heart was overcome with softness. “Wow. You remember that?” Even she forgot her words...</p><p> </p><p>“I’m a writer, Gina. We usually do.” Ricky said fondly.</p><p> </p><p>“When will I get a song, Richard?”</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t get a laugh from him. He sighed. “Do you want a breakup one… ‘Cause I have some new ones...”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no. Don’t tell me…”</p><p> </p><p>“Angie broke up with me. Said it was getting too much and she wasn’t sure anymore and--” Ricky exhaled. “I’m sorry I’m annoying I just… It seems like all my relationships fail. You know I’m not good at… this emotional talking or .. whatever. Like I don’t open up unless the other person does it first. It’s such a bad habit but I can’t seem to learn. And when the other person does it, I either react wrongly or I get way too emotional I…”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re never annoying me, Ricky,” Gina said as compassionately as ever. “What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well… We were watching a movie and it was a romantic one-- whatever. Angie started talking about our future together and I just… panicked you know. I wasn’t that far yet. Even though we moved in together! God, Gina I did the same thing I did to Nini years ago. I blacked out completely. And then when I tried to fix it… Gave her a whole speech… She just said-- She said everything was a little too much right now. I think she meant to say <em> I </em> was getting too much… Am I too much?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina closed her eyes. That must’ve hurt… She imagined giving him a hug with her words, so she chose them carefully. “You’re not too much, Ricky. Anyone who doesn’t see how amazing you are is just... You’re not too much. And it’s not your fault. I get the emotional talk.. thing. It’s… scary. But look, it’s not always that way. I’ve dated some people and it didn’t work out either. Sometimes that’s what it takes for you to find your person.”<br/><br/></p><p>Ricky was quiet at first. “Don’t really know if ‘my person’ exists… I’ve bugged you ever since my parents’ divorce. How are you not sick of me complaining?”</p><p> </p><p>That pulled at her heartstrings. How could she ever be sick of Ricky Bowen? “Because friends are there to comfort each other. We get each other. Remember?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. We get each other.” Ricky said gently. </p><p> </p><p>“Even though you <em> are </em>dramatic." Gina teased.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey!" </p><p> </p><p>"Do you have somewhere to stay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m staying with a friend until I figure something out. Although… I sort of know already… I’ll tell you once it’s 100% sure.” His tone was hopeful when he added, “I hope to see you soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Eventually,” Gina said in a playful tone. The small world impacted her life for so long and yet with Ricky, she joked about it. Yeah… For Ricky Bowen, she’d make all the exceptions, she realized. </p><p> </p><p>Ricky chuckled. “You’re right. Eventually, I <em> will. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Whatever did that mean… Gina wouldn’t hope too much. Hope didn’t treat her gently in the past anyway. And ‘eventually’ became a synonym for ‘never’... <em> But. </em> </p><p> </p><p>What if what if what if… Always what if. Always Ricky Bowen. Ricky Bowen, the boy of constant guitar chords playing in Gina’s head... Gina wanted to just curse him. It’d be much easier if he was just a boy she once knew, just a train station on the way… just a stranger she once opened up her heart to. And then locked it forever, for her own good. But it wasn’t like that. And somehow, Ricky Bowen just kept finding his way back to her. Or was it the other way around?</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Gina knew everything when she was in high school. She knew things never worked out for Gina Porter. And she knew better than to form friendships if she was gonna stay only a few months. She knew she was the one who had to leave (or she would get left). She knew the cost of time and how much it mattered in life. And she knew she wasn’t the lucky one. So she made the best of it. She focused on her goals instead. On what her life would look like in ten years. Fifteen years. Twenty-five years. She had the entire thing planned. She was determined to make it happen; to get what she wanted. Getting what she wanted and things going according to plan was the only thing that made her satisfied; distracted her from her never-ending loneliness. </p><p> </p><p>Gina knew everything when she was in high school. She knew nothing about feelings. She knew nothing when real relationships struck her. Even at work, she couldn’t tell if her relationship with her colleagues was positive or not or something in between. It was a good thing that she would be leaving the company soon and be able to put it on her resume. After all, that was really what every relationship was. A place you went to for a while, but once you realized you deserved something better, you just moved on. Gina’s been through it all to know. She wasn’t easy so in some ways she understood. All this baggage and who would put up with it?</p><p> </p><p>And she was right. Especially when she met Leo.</p><p> </p><p>She met him through Allison. Actually, because of Allison’s urge to get drunk, more specifically. Allison begged her to go out despite them going out all the time and doing the usual where Alli would fail terribly at flirting with girls and Gina would get drunk and laugh at her. It was just a regular night except for this time, Gina accidentally spilled her drink on Leo’s shirt. She didn’t remember how it happened but for the rest of that night, all she did was talk to Leo about her entire life. And all she remembered was that she left out Salt Lake, and East High and Ricky Bowen. </p><p> </p><p>Leo wasn’t the best boyfriend, as it turned out. He was abrasive and clingy and possessive and he didn’t get her. But she’s been exceeding expectations for once at this thing. She was the best girlfriend, baggage and all. She was supportive and flirty and funny and she didn’t make things complicated. She was proud of that. She got on with Leo’s own baggage just fine.</p><p> </p><p>But Gina knew Leo was just another place she’d move on from. Still, being here gave her that feeling of satisfaction she hasn’t had in a while… It distracted her from the never-ending loneliness. And she didn’t want to go back there.</p><p> </p><p>Things weren’t easy for the most part because Gina had fights with Leo every day nonetheless, about the littlest things, but they always apologized to each other. It was getting a little exhausting, true, but <em> eventually, </em> it wouldn’t be.</p><p> </p><p>And then there was Ricky. After the breakup with Angelina, Gina noticed he was opening up to her again. She let him. It annoyed Leo and he kept going on about how she was always on her phone, either texting or calling. But Gina ignored it, worked through it, and did what made her happy. And talking to Ricky was one of those things. </p><p> </p><p>One day, like any other, he called and Gina thanked the heavens she was at her mom’s place, taking care of all her things because she would soon move out. And when Ricky told her the news, she didn’t even want to imagine how she would have contained herself if she were somewhere else.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m moving to New York!”</p><p> </p><p>“OH MY GOD!” Gina jumped from the bed and started dancing around the apartment, squealing. She got up on the bed and began jumping on it. Then she stopped, coming to her senses.  “Ricky! <em> BOWEN </em>. You’re kidding. If you’re kidding, I’m going to smack you so hard.” Gina couldn’t control her shock, her excitement, her heart or her tendency to immediately disbelieve anything that ever worked out for her, even if she tried.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not! I swear. I can send you proof! Even though you can’t smack me through the phone, we’ve been over this Ginarina!” Ricky cheered. “We’ll be able to see each other<em> all the time </em>! And facetime everyone together! They’re gonna be so jealous Gi. Imagine the look on EJ’s face!”</p><p> </p><p>Gina started jumping again. A fever dream probably. There was no way.  “I know. I can’t wait to brag about it in their faces!”</p><p> </p><p>She could then hear Ricky sobbing. Her eyes widened in worry. “Ricky, are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky’s voice cracked. “Yeah, I’m just happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me too.” Gina finally sat down on her bed again and could feel her tears. She was simply quiet, trying to process whatever this meant for her and if it was a lie. Ricky Bowen, the boy who just kept coming back.</p><p> </p><p>“Who’s that?” Gina’s mom asked suddenly.</p><p> </p><p>Gina yelled excitedly. “Mom, Ricky’s moving here!” She quickly switched to FaceTime because her mom and Ricky seemed to be better friends than her and Ricky, her mom always stealing her phone or insisting on FaceTime whenever Gina was talking to him. </p><p> </p><p>Gina’s mom squealed. “That’s wonderful news!” She sat next to Gina and peeked at Ricky. “Ricky! So good to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky’s face was puffy and stained with tears, but he waved happily and smiled brightly.  “Hi, Mrs Porter! It’s good to see you too.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re joining us?”</p><p> </p><p>“Seems like it!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky, have I ever told you you’re my favorite friend of Gina’s?” Terri looked at Gina.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom! What about Alli?!” Gina shook her head and turned to Ricky. “Ignore her. When’s your flight? Tell me <em> everything, </em> Bowen!”</p><p> </p><p>“Gonna ignore you just disagreed with Terri on that. Alli’s cool but Ricky Bowen is the blueprint. You got all excited for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Gina beamed. “And I’m being polite.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sureee. Anyway! My flight…” Ricky smiled, looking like a highschool boy Gina once let break all the rules.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky Bowen, the boy whose song ideas she’d listen to even when they were about someone else. Moving here. It felt sort of like some things were falling into place.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Gina showed up at the airport and wore her brand new scarf. She got Ricky’s favorite chocolates and flowers. Ricky loved heathers. Gina presumed she would be nervous but never quite like <em> this. </em>There was tingling in her fingers and she felt like her heart would fall out of her chest. She hasn’t hugged Ricky since Carlos’ and Seb’s wedding. </p><p> </p><p>It was sinking in. Gina still couldn’t believe he was going to live here. Ricky Bowen, the boy who fell asleep on Skype with her numerous times. She couldn’t believe she didn’t have to leave this time. Because he was coming here and she was already here and they got to do everything they lost over the years. And… was there a small chance, just… just a <em> maybe… </em> that he wouldn’t leave either? That he wouldn’t leave, even eventually? Could it be? Could Time just let Gina have something as small, something as delicate as a <em> chance </em>?</p><p> </p><p>“Gina?” Ricky’s voice, here and now, just a few steps away from her.</p><p> </p><p>Gina screamed. “Ricky!”</p><p> </p><p>Gina dropped her gifts from all the nervousness and she ran up to him and jumped on instant and she was lucky he caught her in his arms. Spinned her around. Just like old times. Gina held on tightly and closed her eyes. Curse Ricky Bowen. For … For everything. </p><p> </p><p>Once they let go, their eyes didn’t. And all Gina could do was stare. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Gi,” Ricky smiled down at her.</p><p> </p><p>His hands remained on her waist and she kept hers on his chest. She pretended like it didn’t light her on fire. Always touch. Always Ricky Bowen. Everything she’s ever known with him was touch and go. Yet every time it burned just as much. But touch was a tricky thing. Unpredictable like hands of fate, ruthless and worthwhile… Time’s little game. Gina never thought she’d be hung up on something as simple as a touch.</p><p> </p><p>All-consuming and warm and wild and like sunlight, Ricky’s eyes didn’t change. But everything else has. Everything has changed. He wasn’t here before. Now he was. And he’d stay. And Gina dared to think that maybe she really had that small chance against Time.</p><p> </p><p>She memorized this moment like the moves to her favorite dance. </p><p> </p><p>Ricky quickly caught up with her on how his flight went, he was ecstatic about the chocolate that was now melted and even more excited about his favorite flowers that somehow didn't completely crumble. The two of them walked out of the airport, red faces and eyes still filled with tears of joy. </p><p> </p><p>Everything else sort of <em>fell into place </em>after that. Gina helped him move in because <em>of course </em>she did and he spent dinners with her and her mom at her mom's place because <em>'I've only seen this place through FaceTime and I want to actually experience the secret room you have Gina!' </em>Gina did have a secret room back in her mom's place and it was behind her old bookshelf. Terri didn't let her know until after they moved in. Gina didn't tell a soul even though she's had friends and family over but it was just too cool. It was a secret for a reason. No one could know. Except for Ricky Bowen of course, the boy who had been miles away yet still the only exception. </p><p> </p><p>Gina showed Ricky her apartment too and he absolutely freaked out over her second-story bed (like, with the ladder and all) that Gina thought was pretty embarrassing now but she always wanted one ever since she was little. But it was practical too because Allison spent all her time here. Either way, it had to go because there was no space anymore with Gina’s new bed but Ricky told her she should just give it to him once he was settled in (and Gina’s been there multiple times throughout the entire week and she argued there was definitely no room in his apartment for the bed).  Ricky then made her promise him she would never throw it away and that he’d get the second story whenever he slept over. Gina tried not to get any tingles at the thought of Ricky sleeping over.</p><p> </p><p>By Saturday, Ricky was successfully moved in and Gina begged Terri to leave them alone so she could finally show him the city. She took him to Times Square, Statue of Liberty and to her favorite coffee shop, and just a bunch of other tourist attractions that were getting pretty boring. Lastly, she showed him the Empire State Building and Ricky insisted on playing Alicia Keys and then he begged Gina to dance with him because this was probably the last opportunity before she was famous. Gina rolled her eyes because <em> ‘I didn’t even get signed yet, Richard’ </em> but she danced anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky looked up when the song ended. “It’s real. I can’t believe I’m in New York City.”</p><p> </p><p>“Me neither. But … I’m glad you are.” Gina smiled, ignoring the familiar feeling of her heart softening when she looked at Ricky Bowen.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky started walking. “Like when me and… when Angie and I first moved in together, we invited our friends over for the game night. And it was just… I can’t stop thinking how different everything is right now…”</p><p> </p><p>“Different doesn’t mean bad, Ricky…” </p><p> </p><p>“No, I know! I had so much with you and your mom, literally! I’m so lucky. I hope you had fun with me too...” Ricky let out a chuckle. </p><p> </p><p>Gina stopped in her tracks and gasped. “Ricky! Of course, we had fun. My mom thinks you’re the funniest person alive. But then again, her humor’s broken.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky put a hand on his chest. “Ouch.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re funny sometimes.” Gina playfully pushed him.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky stared at her for a second. “I’m sorry I’m like… I just dwell a lot on…Me and Angie...we, uh, for game night, we came up with this math quiz for shits and giggles-- ‘Cause all of our friends are terrible at math and then when we were playing I was… I was winning, you know. And Angie was so confused! After that, she’d ask me for help with anything that had to do with math. I couldn’t do it. But I could always make her laugh.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re smart smart, huh Bowen?” Gina cracked a smile. “When did you mean to tell me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay rude!" Ricky gasped, then grinned. He looked away shyly. "And I’d rather be known as the guy who makes people laugh because if people start seeing me as smart, they will expect me to be smart all the time. And I’m not.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, you are! Ricky, I don’t think you understand how good you are at words. You know your way with words better than anyone. You’ve written some of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard.” Gina said honestly. “And it’s okay to dwell on things. But look. You’re here now and yeah, it’s a completely different place than the one you were in last year-- <em> both </em>mentally and physically-- but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the best of it. Take it from me. I’ve moved places my whole life. There’s always gonna be people who support you. Even if they’re Terri Porter and her terrible cookies.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky laughed. It was a beautiful sound. “I disagree because her cookies are great and she made me cry so many times this week.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? When? You laughed so hard with us!” Gina was confused. </p><p> </p><p>“Well yeah! I can’t just cry in front of you!” Ricky said as if it was obvious.</p><p> </p><p>Gina almost reached out to take his hand but… she stopped herself. “What? Why? We would’ve totally ugly cried with you.” </p><p> </p><p>He smiled sadly. “I can hold a lot of it in, Gina. I don’t wanna… scare people away or whatever.” Then, he looked away.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky… You know bottling up your emotions isn’t good.” This time, Gina was impulsive. Her hand seemed to take Ricky’s without her consent.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t do that. With <em> you </em>. I don’t do it with you.” Ricky looked at her finally. </p><p> </p><p>Ricky Bowen and his eyes full of stars. Gina felt like she could stare at them forevermore. Rain started pouring down like sudden thunder and both Ricky and Gina were startled; took each other’s hand; began running, seeking shelter and once they found the nearest cafe, they looked at each other for a moment, raindrops falling down Ricky’s cheeks but settling in Gina’s hair, and then they laughed. For whatever reason. But with Ricky, Gina never really needed one.</p><p> </p><p>Gina said goodbye and it wasn’t for long anyway because she would see him tomorrow and take him out properly. This time Leo would tag along because he wasn’t working for once and Gina insisted and, being Gina Porter, she made him agree in no time.</p><p> </p><p>They met up with Ricky in front of his apartment (Gina didn’t wanna let Ricky go wandering alone because she was not convinced that he knew the way to her place after only a week of being here. And no, <em> ‘But it only took </em> you <em> a week to navigate it Gina!’ </em> didn’t count as an argument, because he was Ricky Bowen. He got lost in Walmart.) </p><p> </p><p>“This is my boyfriend, Leo,” Gina said once Ricky was in front of them. She noticed he had a brand new coat on. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi. I’m Ricky.” Ricky held out his hand and smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“What are we doing here again?” Leo, not taking Ricky’s hand, looked at Gina confused.</p><p> </p><p>“Leo!” Gina’s eyes widened in anger. After she told him a million times… She looked at Ricky apologetically.  “I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s cool.” Ricky didn’t look so sure.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> I told you </em> Ricky’s my best friend and he just moved here and he doesn’t know a bunch of people yet so,” Gina looked away from Leo and at Ricky, “we are being nice and taking him out.” She grinned. Ricky smiled at her.</p><p> </p><p>“I appreciate it so much. New York is so huge!” Ricky said, smiling again at Leo. Gina knew him well enough to know it was a little forced. The glow in his eyes was not there. But at least he was trying. She always appreciated that about him.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright cool. What do you do?” Leo started walking, taking Gina’s hand rather strongly. She glanced up at him, narrowing her eyebrows. Ricky walked beside Gina and put his hands in his pockets.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m a songwriter. And I worked for a label in Nashville, but I just got promoted to a job <em> here </em>. At Threshold!” </p><p> </p><p>“Songwriter huh.” Leo raised his eyebrows. “Gina says she wants to be a professional dancer but… all these creative career directions take something really special.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky glanced at Gina before looking back at Leo with a confused expression. “You think Gina’s not special?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina cleared her throat.  “Anyway! Ricky, I’m so proud of you. Threshold’s a huge deal. Does the gang know yet? Because when we called on Wednesday, they were totally clueless as to why you were here.” </p><p> </p><p>She never mentioned her fights with Leo to Ricky. The only reason she invited Leo tonight was because she didn’t want Ricky to think he did something wrong and that he wasn’t allowed to meet her boyfriend. But the fights and the… problems… No one knew about it. Gina was working through it currently.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky nervously chuckled, late October cold showing itself in the breath he let out.  “Only Nini knows. I didn’t even tell Red.”</p><p><br/>Gina gasped excitedly. “This is gonna be so e--”</p><p> </p><p>“Who’s Red?” Leo interrupted suddenly.</p><p> </p><p>“Our friend.” Gina frowned at him, hoping he would get the memo to stop being so fucking rude. She felt so embarrassed in front of Ricky. And she has never, ever felt uncomfortable with Ricky. Except now.</p><p> </p><p>They entered the bar Gina always went to with Alli and after that, she would take Ricky to her favorite club. She looked forward to dancing. Well, dancing again with Ricky...</p><p> </p><p>It was awkward. It was so hopelessly awkward and Gina wanted to sink down into the earth. Leo kept making unnecessary remarks, no matter if it was about Ricky’s work, manner, <em> coat </em>. And Ricky did it back. It was … Gina put a stop to it by simply saying, ‘I don’t think they have a section for children here,’ and both of them shut up. Leo stood up and disappeared into the bathroom. Ricky looked after him with pursed lips. Gina ignored it. She prayed Ricky wouldn’t say anything about it, but it--</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me. How’s dance school?” Ricky smiled at her. </p><p> </p><p>Gina found herself blabbering unexpectedly. “Dance school’s everything! I’ve been teaching these small kids and they’re just a joy. I know it’s not much but you should see the way this one boy Cameron does his turns -- it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen!”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky’s eyes glistened. “Oh my Gosh, you need to definitely show me. I want to laugh at him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Richard!” Gina lightheartedly shoved him. “I think I want to do dancing lessons for adults as well but the school is so small and I haven’t had luck yet but I’ve been working so hard on my auditions to get signed-- And oh. Wait until’ you see this move I basically invented! So like, it goes from…” Gina suddenly stopped. Ricky was staring. She shook her head.  “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, it’s just… You’re so excited when you get to talk about dancing.  It’s endearing.” Ricky’s smile was tender.</p><p> </p><p>Gina stayed quiet. Ricky Bowen, the boy with eyes that were full of stars. She gave him a teasing smile. "Going soft on me Bowen?"</p><p> </p><p>"You wish."</p><p> </p><p>Ricky glanced behind her. He seemed hesitant. Gina has not seen him like that ever.  “Are you happy, Gina?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina looked behind her shoulder and saw Leo coming back. She looked at Ricky again. “Yes.” <em> No </em>.</p><p> </p><p>But when she said that--- when she lied to Ricky Bowen so easily as if her soul knew he could see the truth anyway -- Gina had a small moment of clarity. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe Time was her enemy… but maybe with Ricky, there was a fine line there somewhere at last. A line between Gina Porter and Time, a promise that maybe the unacceptable Time would let happiness reach Gina Porter at one point in life. There was finally a line that not even Time bothered to cross. Because no matter how many <em> times </em> Gina messed up, Ricky was still here. He still didn't leave her.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It happened just one week before Christmas. Gina would lie if she said she wasn’t expecting it. But not like this. Not now. It was the last thing she needed. With audition stress and deadlines and work, relationship drama just was not necessary right now. Not even with Leo, the person whose sole goal seemed to be running back and forth with Gina. And Gina liked that. Until she didn't. </p><p> </p><p>“Come watch,” he said from her couch, putting on his favorite movie. (Which Gina hated.) Even if she joined him, he wouldn’t pay attention to her anyway. He never did.  And she'd have to sulk until she got bored. Gina used to think if you really loved someone, they’d be your favorite movie. Apparently not. </p><p> </p><p>She paced around her desk just next to the couch, constantly getting things from her bookshelf and stressing if she forgot something, so she said harshly, “I can’t right now Leo. I told you. I have to get this portfolio done. The audition is this week, remember?”</p><p> </p><p>Leo sighed annoyingly. “Oh great. I told you you’re chasing after a dead dream here. How are you gonna earn money?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina blankly stared at him. Of course, he didn’t remember. He never paid attention to her. She sat down at her desk. No feelings of confusion,  or conflict, or anything. Just one thing: She knew she was done with Leo's indiscretions. She just simply <em> knew. </em>“That's it. I just can’t do this anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>Leo got tense and stopped leaning on the couch. “Do what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Be with you.” Gina looked away from him and started organizing her desk like nothing was wrong. </p><p> </p><p>“What?!” Leo stood up, evidently angry.</p><p> </p><p>Gina almost rolled her eyes. She remained seated and spoke as steadily as ever because <em> she </em>wanted to stay the one with the upper hand. “You belittle me constantly and I’m sick of it. I won’t take it anymore. So now I’m breaking up with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve supported you from day one! What’s the problem?” Leo raised his voice.“You got bored of me?”</p><p> </p><p>“What. Leo, come on.” Gina stood up from her desk and faced him. He couldn’t just accuse her of these things. “I just. I want to focus on my career. And I need someone who will respect <em> the time </em>I invest in that and someone who--”</p><p> </p><p>“Who what, Gina?” </p><p> </p><p>“Who gets me!” Gina yelled. “Who lets me breathe for God’s sake! Who <em> supports </em> me!”</p><p> </p><p>“What, like Ricky?” Leo asked furiously.</p><p> </p><p>“What…”</p><p> </p><p>“Ever since that guy moved here you’ve been so…”</p><p><br/>Gina scoffed. “I've been what? Making my own decisions? Trying to be successful? I've <em> always </em> done that, Leo. I don't need you or Ricky or anyone <em> telling </em> me my worth. It just sucks that I'm with someone who doesn't even see it!"</p><p> </p><p>“Lucky you then. You just lost them." Leo shook his head. "Just know this Gina. You’re too ambitious for your own good. And it will have worse consequences one day. I’m not the first.” He started getting his things. </p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” Gina demanded, her voice trembling from anger. How could he say that? Ambition was a good thing! Why did she feel like she's heard this… she must have heard this.</p><p> </p><p>“Leaving you.” Leo slammed the door.</p><p> </p><p>Wow. Gina would count this as the second guy <em> she </em>broke up with even though he was the one who left. It didn't matter because as always, Gina was the reason for it. </p><p> </p><p>She walked back and forth in her living room, pondering whether she wanted to cry over this or not. Leo was out of the picture. She’d never see him again. And now she wondered if the loneliness would finally swallow her whole. But then again, why? Why couldn’t she just complete herself? Why did she need someone like Leo to do that for her? Gina Porter, the battle hero who fought Time for as long as she could remember. Gina Porter, the star dancer on her way to rule the world. Gina Porter, the future of dance. Why wasn’t that enough? </p><p> </p><p>She called Ricky to talk to him about it because it’s been hours and she hasn’t let out a single tear. Leo left her. Just one week before Christmas. He<em> left </em>her. And she felt nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Gi,” Ricky answered after the first ring as always...</p><p> </p><p>“I broke up with Leo.” Gina declared with no warning. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shit-- I mean. God, I’m so sorry, Gi. I’ll be there right away.” She could hear he dropped something. </p><p> </p><p>“No, Ricky it’s fine. I just wanna be alone.” Gina said, but she wasn’t sure yet. She called with no plan in mind. She simply needed to tell it to someone.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. But I’ll be there if you need me to.” Ricky assured. Gina smiled at how peaceful he sounded.</p><p> </p><p>“The last time I cried like this was when you showed me the Heath Ledger tribute video.” Gina found herself lying. Because she didn't cry after Leo left her at all. She couldn't even bring herself to let out one tear. What was wrong with her? Gina Porter, the girl who didn't know her own emotions even after living with them her whole life.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, God. The Heath Ledger video.” Ricky laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate you for making me a fan of his work,” Gina said honestly as the Heath Ledger part was very true. “As a payback, it’s time for me to introduce you to Princess Diana.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh man, I’ve heard of her. But I haven’t seen any documentaries…” </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll show them to you eventually, don’t worry,” Gina promised.</p><p> </p><p>“Eventually. I can work with that.” </p><p> </p><p>Gina felt such permanency in this, it scared her… Ricky Bowen, the only boy she'd ever cried for.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>In the midst of gift wrapping, Gina was startled by her phone and seeing it was none other than Ricky, she smiled to herself because God, did he<em> know </em> she was wrapping <em> his </em> present at the moment?</p><p> </p><p>“Hello.” She beamed.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Gi.” Ricky’s voice wasn’t upbeat like usual.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky… you sound sad. What’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>“My dad’s really sick for the holidays and... I’m going to SLC.” Ricky inhaled. “I know-- I know we were supposed to spend our first Christmas <em> together </em> and I <em> will </em>give you the gift, but no Gina, you can’t open it before Christmas-- those are the rules. And we will FaceTime so I’ll know if you faked the surprise but--”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go with you.” Gina interrupted him, to her own surprise. </p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“To Salt Lake City.. I’ll go with you,” Gina said once again, her heartbeat so loud and clear, but so certain and fearless.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Ricky’s tone sounded full of hope.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Gina smiled. </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t the one for spontaneity like this. But then again, this was Ricky Bowen, the boy who broke all the rules. And this was Salt Lake, so whenever she got the chance to leave New York and go back there, she gladly took it. After all, that would always be where her heart lay. No matter if time was telling her otherwise. Because even after so much time, she still felt the same. Gina Porter, the girl of never-ending change, never changed the way she felt about<em> this </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky was a nuisance. Not that Gina didn’t know this already but being together in one plane with him really shook up her memory. There was much bantering, laughing, many horrible jokes Ricky just shouldn’t ever speak out again and there was everything that was simply cheesy and awful like falling asleep on Ricky’s shoulder, but it didn’t stop Gina from liking it.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we watch How To Train Your Dragon 3?”</p><p> </p><p>“Bowen, you’re such a child.” Gina rolled her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a good movie!” Ricky insisted.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m surprised you’re not making me watch another one with Heath Ledger.”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, we could. Do you want to watch ‘10 Things I Hate About You’? I named Patrick The Bear after that one.” </p><p> </p><p>Gina pouted. She knew he did. She watched all the Heath Ledger movies. But she still wanted to joke around. “You know what, I’ll take the Percy and Annabeth 2.0.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Hiccup and Astrid </em>, come on!” Ricky exclaimed annoyingly, but his smile took over his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Or… Maybe I could finally show you some Princess Diana documentaries.” Gina raised her eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>“I changed my mind. No crying allowed. We could listen to something.” </p><p> </p><p>Gina decided to tease him some more. "We could… Wanna listen to Harry Styles?"</p><p> </p><p>"Gina, I literally said no crying." </p><p> </p><p>It was really the funniest slight Gina’s experienced, she hated to admit. Being back in Salt Lake City caused the memories to flood her. Driving through the streets she once waked through every day and seeing those same houses after many years made her overwhelmed with all the feelings in the world. When she saw Ricky’s house again, it was like she became her teenage self once more and she could remember distinctly how happy she was when she got to spend her time with Ricky Bowen, the boy clueless to what he was doing to her heart by simply being himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Dad! I’m home!” Ricky opened the front door, happily announcing himself.</p><p> </p><p>Gina walked through the door with him, cold air still gracing her cheeks, but she has never felt more home. Mike Bowen was coming down the stairs and the tiredness was visible in his eyes, yet he gave them the brightest smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky!” He embraced Ricky, turning to Gina afterward. “And… Gina? You’re really here?” He laughed. “Ginarina?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s me!” Gina put away her scarf and hugged him tightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my-- It’s so good to see you!” He cupped her face and hugged her again. “Ricky didn’t tell me you’d also come!”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it was sort of last minute.” Gina could feel some tears forming at last.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m delighted!”</p><p> </p><p>“Dad, you’re suffocating her.” Ricky shook his head. </p><p> </p><p>But Gina didn’t care. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the hug with her every bone.</p><p> </p><p>None of their friends were spending the holidays here this year as it turned out and Gina was sad because of that, but she couldn’t be too sad because the evening has just been going really nice. Ricky decided to put up the Christmas Tree tonight and turned down his dad’s arguments that they should rest and that Gina was probably tired. But Gina wanted nothing more than to decorate the tree with them. She needed this so desperately, she never even knew how much she missed it. She didn’t get to have that with just her mom. Always moving around, they never actually bothered with a tree...</p><p> </p><p>Ricky cracked jokes and laughed at Gina’s and she made him embarrass himself by dancing with his two left feet and they didn’t even notice Mike dozing off on the couch. Ricky crossed his arms. “Okay, Dad, maybe you should go to sleep now. I mean--”</p><p> </p><p>Mike winced and opened his eyes. “Fine, fine. Always looking to get rid of me.” He said lightheartedly and got up, making his way upstairs.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky rolled his eyes but Gina gave him a glare and instead of taking it seriously, he chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll bring you some tea.” She said to Mike and walked over to the kitchen to make it.</p><p> </p><p>“What about me?” Ricky spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“No. Cry about it Richard.” she joked and Ricky fake-sobbed.</p><p> </p><p>Once the tea was done, she brought it to Mike in his room and she made sure he was nicely covered and warm.</p><p> </p><p>“Is there anything else I can do?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, thank you.” Mike gave her a warm smile. “How are you, Gina?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina didn’t know why that took her off guard, probably because she was nervous to speak about this, but she quickly regained her composure. “Oh, uh me? Um. I’ve… I’ve been great. I’m gonna start performing more. I’ve been signed.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good to hear. I hope it works out.” Mike put his hand on hers.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“And… how’s Ricky? He barely talks to me…”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Gina whispered. She thought over her next words. “Well. He’s good. Yeah, he said he might get a promotion. So, that’s exciting. He deserves it too. He’s been working really hard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good, good.” Mike smiled at her, there were wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. “You’ve always made him so happy Gina. He can’t stop smiling around you.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina didn’t know what to say. She smiled softly and her heart started beating faster. A lot of times she wished she could see herself how Ricky saw her. She never smiled simply because of herself. But she did smile because of him. </p><p> </p><p>And she didn’t think she deserved this much kindness. </p><p> </p><p>The next day, two days before Christmas, Gina decided to bake cookies and she was sad to find out there was absolutely nothing in this house, what you could make them with. Ricky was excited and he said they needed to get groceries before everything closed anyway, so they made their way to the car while Mike promised he’d have the hot chocolate ready when they got back.</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky! Hey.” Lynne Bowen entered all of a sudden, the snow joining her and the outside cold touching Gina’s veins.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom?” Ricky stopped dead in his tracks.</p><p> </p><p>“Surprise!” Lynne exclaimed merrily, removing her scarf.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey there, Ricky.” Todd awkwardly stood behind her, waving.</p><p> </p><p>“Gina! You’re here too!” Lyanne grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! Hi!” Gina smiled and looked back at Ricky as his mom hugged her. Before hugging him.</p><p> </p><p>“Uhh. Wow. You guys are...”Ricky scrunched his eyebrows, clearing his throat. “I haven’t got any presents…”</p><p> </p><p>Lynne let go of Gina and stepped forward towards Ricky. “Ricky, it’s okay--”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky nodded, avoiding her gaze. “Um yeah no, I’m so… happy you’re here. Uhh. I was about to get groceries so if you needed anything…”</p><p> </p><p>Gina watched everything unfold and couldn’t help but look down to her feet. She couldn’t stand seeing Ricky sad. And after all these years, his mom suddenly leaving him without a second thought must have been the worst thing to happen to him; the thing that made him the saddest. And a reminder, each time he saw her again.</p><p> </p><p>Lynne appeared disappointed. “Well can’t you do that tomorrow? The stores will be open. I missed you. I really wanna talk to--”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah but I…” Ricky looked to Gina, but only for the tiniest second, before looking away.</p><p> </p><p>“We won’t be long. I wanted to make cookies and there are no ingredients so!” Gina spoke, not even intending to say that, but it seemed to work. She knew Ricky needed to process this. Not here.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. I trust you.” Lynne smiled and Gina could see she was trying to light up the situation and get a reaction from Ricky, but it just didn’t work.</p><p> </p><p>On the way to the store, Ricky didn’t say anything. And Gina knew he didn’t want her to say anything either. In the store, he made comments on the things they were getting but Gina could see he was clearly still upset. But she didn’t want to say anything yet.</p><p> </p><p>Until the drive back. Until the arrival. Ricky parked the car and turned it off. He exhaled and didn’t look at her, despite her watching him the whole time, stealing glances the whole way back. Now she was staring at him, waiting for him to speak. Because he had to. He had a habit of bottling up his feelings and waiting for someone to sort them out for him. But Gina wouldn’t let him do that. He knew it, she knew it and when he remained silent even after she stared at him, giving him his chance, Gina sighed. She shifted and touched the door handle, but Ricky’s hand found her own. And Gina had to ignore the familiar fiery tingles.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, Gi...” Ricky leaned back on his seat. “I haven’t been honest.”</p><p> </p><p>“About what?” Gina turned to him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not who I was. I’m not the same person from a week ago or... years ago. I don’t… I get so overwhelmed. It’s too much. Or so people have told me. I mean. You saw what happened. I… I froze.” Ricky shifted towards her. His voice sounded fragile. “And I’m not perfect, Gi. I can’t be this amazing over the top son who does everything right because whenever I do anything, it’s … not enough. And…  I haven’t been a perfect friend to you either and you deserve--”</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky, I don’t want perfect. I don’t want a perfect friend. I want a real one.” Gina didn’t know if she moved closer or if they already were this close. “It’s enough for me. <em> You’re </em> enough for me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky stared at her for a moment. Gina didn’t want him to ever look away. “I always do this to my mom… Do you think I’m enough for her too?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Yes </em>.” Gina instantly said.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you get it?”</p><p> </p><p>“The feeling of doing too much yet never enough? Yeah.” Gina let out a breath and Ricky looked away before returning his gaze to her. “Look, I… I don’t think your mom thinks that about you. Neither does your dad or me. You’re not a horrible person for <em> feeling </em> things. I don’t think you should feel so guilty about this right now. So you got overwhelmed and panicked but it’s fine. It was unexpected and you just... It’s normal. Ricky, you’re the most caring person I know. Your mom won’t hate you because of one thing. And you didn’t even do anything wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“I… I don’t know what to say.” Ricky’s eyebrows twitched but he didn’t break eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to say anything,” Gina said calmly.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky lay his head on the headrest while keeping his eyes on her. “Really wish I… I don't think those things about myself at all…”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you should. I don’t think I can let anyone just think badly about my best friend without facing the consequences.”</p><p> </p><p>“Which are?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t test me, Bowen.” Gina smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Gi.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky leaned in, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and lingered for a second, long enough for her to feel his breath where his lips had been just a moment before.</p><p> </p><p>Gina had a small moment of clarity. The end of time. She was just Gina, and she could have this moment with Ricky. She could have endless moments. She could have an eternity. And then it was gone.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just like… that time at Homecoming, huh. The two of us. The driveaway.” Ricky said in a hoarse voice as he leaned back and looked at her, eyes shining. <em> Your kiss, my cheek, </em>they said.</p><p> </p><p>“You remember?” Gina asked, quietly, so that Time wouldn’t take it away.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember everything, Gina.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina felt like she’s been underneath the waves, and Ricky pulled her back. Just like that. Reminded her to remind herself that she was Gina Porter, the star dancer, the ballerina girl, the hopeless dreamer and that it was enough. Ricky Bowen, the boy who remembered.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The next Christmas was spent at Gina’s apartment in New York City. They got Big Red, Carlos, Seb, Nini, and Kourtney here this time and Gina was simply over the moon. It was disgusting how happy she felt, how joyous things have been lately, and how … <em> permanent </em> everything seemed to become.</p><p> </p><p>Nini got ugly Christmas sweaters for everyone and even Kourtney agreed to wear hers. Gina got them the same Christmas overalls for when they went to bed and the evening was spent with Carlos desperately trying to teach everyone his new Christmas choreography. They called Ashlyn, E.J, and Big Red and complained about how rude it was that they were not here, but all of them pinky promised to spend next year’s holidays together. </p><p> </p><p>Everyone couldn't wait to open the presents the next morning and Ricky was glad he wasn’t the only child anymore. Gina couldn’t remember who was there first. Before she knew it, there was a huge mess in her living room but for the first time, she didn’t really mind. She loved this mess.</p><p> </p><p>There were already tears and Gina wasn’t ashamed to admit she let out some of her own as well. She was just happy, she didn’t even care if she got the worst gifts (and she didn’t). On Christmas, there was no bad gift.</p><p> </p><p>“Newly knitted socks?" Ricky gasped as he opened her gift for him. "Ginarina, I love you!” </p><p> </p><p>Gina looked at the time. 10:5 am. Ricky Bowen loved her. </p><p> </p><p>He hugged her and she hugged him back before opening his present for her. Ricky was surprisingly good at wrapping. Gina opened the box to see another surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that...”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky beamed. “I knitted <em> you </em> a scarf yeah. Well. I tried.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina gasped, putting the soft scarf around her neck and smiling widely at Ricky. “We both knitted stuff for each other!”</p><p> </p><p>“We did.” His eyes lit up even more and Gina thought this was the clearest display of attention she’s ever experienced from someone. He would listen to anything she had to say. That was what his look was telling her.</p><p> </p><p>Gina didn’t deserve it.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes --most times-- Ricky’s love scared her. She still didn’t get used to him being here in the same place as her. She couldn’t believe she could see him and hug him and touch him every single day. It was the sort of thing that belonged to wishful thinking; something Gina had never allowed herself to do. This was so much greater than she’d ever hoped for. To get to feel his kindness and see his eyes glisten every day. It seemed like mindless dreaming to her. Did she really get to have it?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It’s been a whole year since Ricky moved to New York and after last year, Gina couldn’t wait to give him a full NYC New Year's Eve experience. So this New Year’s Eve was spent in New York City as well.</p><p> </p><p>This time, at Terri’s house. Ashlyn, E.J, and Big Red surprised everyone when they arrived just a day before New Year’s Eve. It’s safe to say<em> everybody </em> cried. Terri invited her friends too and the place was crowded in no time.</p><p> </p><p>“Gina! We are out of champagne!” </p><p> </p><p>“What?! Mom, it’s not even-- There are 10 minutes til’ New Year!” Gina’s eyes widened.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up?” Ricky approached, eating chips.</p><p> </p><p>“We literally have nothing to drink.” Gina shook her head at her mom and Terri put her hands on her hips, offended.</p><p> </p><p>Ricky gasped. “But New Year is in 10 minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Go to Joe. He'll open for you.” Terri said.</p><p> </p><p>Gina nodded. “Right!”</p><p> </p><p>“Who's Joe again?” Ricky asked, mouth full.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, he owns the store a few minutes away. Alli and I were there all the time. You went with me a few times too. He loves me so he'll open.” Gina put on her coat and scarf.</p><p> </p><p>“I want the Mickey Mouse champagne. Do you think there might be one with Toothless too?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know if he has it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky pouted, putting his coat on. He suddenly got out that stupid hat she knitted for him when they were just teenagers and Gina felt her heart whisper the words to her again. She loved Ricky Bowen with her entire soul.</p><p> </p><p>She covered her mouth and laughed. “You still--”</p><p> </p><p>“What? I finally grew into it!” Ricky grinned.</p><p> </p><p>Gina chuckled and she and Ricky made their way to Joe’s. Of course, there had to be an inconvenience on New Years', and one that involved time as it was running out. When would Gina Porter ever catch a break?</p><p> </p><p>She rang the bell and the lights of the store turned on, sticking out from all the other stores drenched in darkness. </p><p> </p><p>Gina grinned when an older man opened the door for her. “Hey, Joe! Happy New Year's Eve.”</p><p> </p><p>“Gina ballerina. It’s good to see you.” Joe smiled, glancing suspiciously at Ricky thinking Gina wouldn’t notice. “Hello, Richard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, Joe.” Ricky waved, but he seemed to remember he had a small disagreement with Joe. (The disagreement being them being overprotective over Gina. Childish, if you ask her.)</p><p> </p><p>Gina entered, Ricky followed. “Yeah, I’m sorry. We ran out of champagne. Or… Well. My mom didn’t get enough! And we’re a full house.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s no problem.” Joe stood at the door while Gina made her way to the section she needed.</p><p> </p><p>“Gina look!” Ricky suddenly said.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my God.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please.” Ricky held up a bottle of champagne with a Mickey Mouse on it. “It’s my tradition now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. One bottle.” Gina rolled her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Joe gave her a bag for her few bottles, but he ignored Ricky. “Thanks, Joe! You can always come by?”</p><p> </p><p>Joe smiled. “Tomorrow. My husband is waiting.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Happy New Year!” Gina cheered.</p><p> </p><p>“Happy New Year!”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky and she made their way back quickly, and Ricky was slowing down. Gina looked back at him admiring his Mickey Mouse champagne.</p><p> </p><p>“God, Ricky I swear you're the most dramatic person I know.” She waited a moment for him to catch up.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” Ricky solemnly nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“A literal child, Bowen how old or are you again?”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky held his head high. “13.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm. You sure?” Gina raised her eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>“Gina, you do remember what happened when I wanted to ask that one guy out?”</p><p> </p><p>Gina forced down a big laugh. How could she forget? Ricky Bowen and his awful flirting. “You are right. You've grown since then.”</p><p> </p><p>“No matter how much, I just can't seem to get it right,” Ricky said in a distanced matter.</p><p> </p><p>Gina sighed. She felt the same way. She didn’t think she’d be talking to him about failed relationships on New Year’s Eve in New York City, but with Ricky, anything was possible.  “You just have to wait for the right person.”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky was quiet for a moment. Then he stopped walking. “No. You know what-- Screw waiting.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Gina turned around to look at him.</p><p> </p><p>“I lied.” Ricky let out, his breath clear in the air.</p><p> </p><p>“Lied? About what?”</p><p> </p><p>“About everything.” Ricky squinted. “Well partly everything--“</p><p> </p><p>Gina bit her lip and looked behind her at her mom’s apartment, then back at Ricky. “Ricky, what are you talking about? Please. There’s like 3 minutes left...”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky stepped closer. “I lied, Gi. Threshold Studios wasn’t the reason… Neither was the promotion. I didn’t just move here because of that.”</p><p> </p><p>Gina tilted her head, confused. “Why are you telling me this?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because it’s you. It’s you, Gina. I… You're the reason. You're … And I've known it for a long time now. I was gonna tell you. <em> Eventually </em>, I was and… And I missed my shot. Because I'm an idiot." Ricky let out a laugh, his starry eyes glistening with tears from the cold air. "But this is the last time I let it just slip through my fingers because I'm… scared. This is the last time, Gi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ricky… What…” Gina felt warm despite the frost in the air. </p><p> </p><p>“I'm in love with you. I always have been.” Ricky was in her space now, his warm breath touching her cheeks. Gina felt like all time stopped. </p><p> </p><p>“I love you too.” She said quickly before she had to worry about anything. Before it didn’t feel like things were falling into place anymore. “I mean I’m in love with you too. And I’m not leaving.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not leaving?” Ricky moved a strand of her hair out of her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not leaving.” Gina gazed up at him, shaking her head slightly, even though she had no idea what she was saying. She just knew it felt right.</p><p> </p><p>“So, kissing you would totally be okay now?” Ricky whispered.</p><p> </p><p>Gina looked at her wrist. Oh God, the time. “Ricky, it’s only-- We have to go back! The time--”</p><p> </p><p>Ricky pulled her close and kissed her. In the middle of saying something! Gina heard fireworks. <em> Actual </em> fireworks. She wanted to push him away and-- and mess up his hair and just-- She was still holding her bag filled with champagne bottles and her hands were freezing and this whole <em> thing </em>-- It was a mess. Gina Porter had started her new year with a mess. </p><p> </p><p>But she knew now. Time wasn’t what she thought it was. Time was little pieces she held on to, time was a collection of <em>permanent</em> moments that all fell together into place <em> eventually. </em>This was the place. And this was all the things. And it was right. And it was just Ricky. Ricky was her time.</p><p> </p><p>He broke the kiss, and Gina needed a moment to open her eyes. His were glistening like always, so warm and all-consuming like sunlight. Leaving Gina just timelessly breathless.</p><p> </p><p>“Gina. We got all the time in the world to go back. Now, I just want to stay here. With you.” </p><p> </p><p>He was right. In all the ways, Ricky never fell perfectly in Gina’s places. He never followed her rules of time. But. Things don’t just fall into place, Gina learned. And...</p><p> </p><p>Right people created their own time. </p><p> </p><p>“Ricky… you broke the Mickey Mouse champagne bottle...”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you made it this far... whew. you did that lmao? sat through MY writing? you deserve a medal for that. im sending u a virtual hug :) tell me whatever opinion you have. THANK YOU for reading, it means a ton! have a lovely day &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>